1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:03,245 --> 00:00:05,995 (rain pattering) 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:26,465 (soft synth music) 5 00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:38,071 ♪ I was trembling with goose flesh ♪ 6 00:00:41,637 --> 00:00:46,470 ♪ First time I prayed to speak in tongues ♪ 7 00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:56,054 ♪ I saw it comin' ♪ 8 00:00:56,054 --> 00:00:59,867 ♪ And I tried to run ♪ 9 00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:04,284 ♪ But now I make it up as I go along ♪ 10 00:01:10,623 --> 00:01:15,540 ♪ I store my flaws in other people's heads ♪ 11 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:25,647 ♪ Then I question what they know ♪ 12 00:01:29,862 --> 00:01:34,621 ♪ The cloud of witnesses ♪ 13 00:01:34,621 --> 00:01:39,621 ♪ Hover above you like a ♪ 14 00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:46,622 ♪ A pillar of smoke ♪ 15 00:01:49,499 --> 00:01:54,389 ♪ Singin' stories, whisperin' jokes ♪ 16 00:01:54,389 --> 00:01:56,720 - [Robert] From NPR News, this is All Things Considered. 17 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,020 I'm Robert Siegel. - And I'm Michele Norris. 18 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,310 David Bazan was once known as the first 19 00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:04,360 cross-over Christian indie-rock musician. 20 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,030 His band, Pedro the Lion, sold hundreds 21 00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:09,010 of thousands of records. 22 00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,686 - [David] Hey, how's it going out there? 23 00:02:10,686 --> 00:02:13,519 (people cheering) 24 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,610 - [Michele] Then Bazan began questioning the God 25 00:02:16,610 --> 00:02:19,960 he sang about, alienating many of his fans. 26 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,790 Now, he has a new album out under his own name, 27 00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:24,940 and recently, he went on a solo tour, 28 00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:26,760 playing in living rooms. 29 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,210 Clay Masters, from member station, NET Radio, 30 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:31,530 caught up with Bazan on the road. 31 00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:33,270 - [Clay] It took Bazan four years after 32 00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:37,080 Pedro the Lion broke up to write his first solo record. 33 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,980 In that time, it seems, he was overwhelmed 34 00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:42,123 by his break up with God, and he started drinking heavily. 35 00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:45,500 The questioning of God isn't something new for him, 36 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,650 it dates back to early Pedro the Lion records. 37 00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:51,300 Many music critics called Curse Your Braches 38 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,870 Bazan's break up with God. 39 00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:55,720 Bazan hopes people who buy it will respond 40 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:59,060 to his honestly regardless of what he might believe. 41 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:01,353 For NPR News, I'm Clay Masters. 42 00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:10,447 - [Ann] And so, there's two games that are specialty , so. 43 00:03:10,447 --> 00:03:14,211 But I think there's three or four games 44 00:03:14,211 --> 00:03:15,044 that you'll be home for. 45 00:03:15,044 --> 00:03:17,060 So that'll be cool. - That's great. 46 00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:19,240 Well when I'm home, I wanna take him to the 47 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,473 batting cages a bunch. 48 00:03:21,514 --> 00:03:22,597 - [Ann] Yeah. 49 00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:27,136 Yeah, your dad said that he's progressively getting better. 50 00:03:27,136 --> 00:03:28,428 - Great. 51 00:03:28,428 --> 00:03:29,298 - [Ann] Yeah. 52 00:03:29,298 --> 00:03:31,310 - That's so great. 53 00:03:31,310 --> 00:03:33,320 Okay, sorry, I'm turned around. 54 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,494 - [Ann] That's okay, I'll just let you go. 55 00:03:36,494 --> 00:03:37,767 I don't know, it just feels like, 56 00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:41,577 I'm so close to you, I'm tellin' you I'm missing ya, so. 57 00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:42,843 - I'm missin' you too. 58 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,210 - [Ann] Okay. Love you. 59 00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:47,576 - I love you. 60 00:03:47,576 --> 00:03:48,659 - Bye. - Bye. 61 00:04:12,195 --> 00:04:15,045 ♪ Other side ♪ 62 00:04:15,045 --> 00:04:17,545 ♪ Of the road ♪ 63 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,660 - Mara Liasson, NPR News, Washington. 64 00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:26,290 As the Republican nominating battle 65 00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:29,190 moved into the fall with the two outsider candidates, 66 00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:32,590 Donald Trump and Ben Carson, still on top of the polls, 67 00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:35,200 the frustration of the other establishment candidates, 68 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,140 is growing. 69 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:38,390 - [Man] One of the many surprises this election year 70 00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:40,330 has been the support Donald Trump has received 71 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:43,330 from conservative, evangelical voters in the primaries. 72 00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,620 To build on that support, Donald Trump met with 73 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:48,220 hundreds of evangelical leaders in Manhattan yesterday 74 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,910 and he suggested that they not pray for 75 00:04:50,910 --> 00:04:52,560 the country's current leadership. 76 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,050 (soft music) 77 00:04:57,050 --> 00:05:01,540 - I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona and 78 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:06,240 we lived a half a mile from the church 79 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,990 that we went to and that my dad worked at 80 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:13,270 and the school that I went to was a part of that church. 81 00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:16,150 Every single person in my... 82 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,610 - From like Kindergarten? - Yeah. 83 00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:19,983 Kindergarten to sixth grade. - Okay. 84 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,840 - Every single person in my extended family is 85 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,090 Christian and the same kind of Christian 86 00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:30,920 that we were, Pentecostal, Assemblies of God. 87 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:35,260 And certain kinds of evangelical Christianity, specifically, 88 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:40,260 there's this push for your faith to be integrated 89 00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:43,200 in your person, in your identity, 90 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,200 and it's not some separate ornament to your life. 91 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,600 It's like the fundamental thing, and so, 92 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,680 that was the mindset that I kind of grew up with, 93 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:56,050 was that this is, it just permeates everything 94 00:05:56,050 --> 00:06:01,050 and I enjoyed that. I mean, there's like a feeling of fidelity to it 95 00:06:01,050 --> 00:06:03,983 that just, you know, just made you feel good. 96 00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:08,353 (soft music) 97 00:06:22,806 --> 00:06:27,806 (insects buzzing) (soft music) 98 00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:33,304 What's up? 99 00:06:33,304 --> 00:06:34,543 Hey, how's it goin'? 100 00:06:34,543 --> 00:06:36,130 - I'm Micah. - Micah, how are you? 101 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,300 - [Micah] Yeah, I've seen you up in Columbia before. 102 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,400 - Oh right. - Big fan. 103 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,233 - [David] Thanks man. 104 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,211 - What's up man? 105 00:06:41,211 --> 00:06:42,044 Brian. - Brian. 106 00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:43,990 - This is my house. - Right on Brian. - Thanks for playing. - Thanks so much. 107 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,707 - [Brian] Do you want a beer or anything? 108 00:06:45,707 --> 00:06:50,451 ♪ Hello again ♪ 109 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:54,954 ♪ Oblivion ♪ 110 00:06:54,954 --> 00:06:59,797 ♪ But it's no good to complain ♪ 111 00:06:59,797 --> 00:07:03,964 ♪ Of fatigue and existential pain ♪ 112 00:07:05,938 --> 00:07:09,105 (soft acoustic music) 113 00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:18,596 ♪ On a six week solo drive ♪ 114 00:07:18,596 --> 00:07:23,596 ♪ While your friends work nine to five ♪ 115 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:28,644 ♪ What really threw me off ♪ 116 00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:38,087 ♪ Is that all these years I thought ♪ 117 00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:46,893 ♪ I'd work it out ♪ 118 00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:56,570 ♪ Did you sing it like it is ♪ 119 00:07:56,570 --> 00:08:01,570 ♪ 'Cause you really thought it would pack 'em in ♪ 120 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:09,821 - [Man] You're so welcome. 121 00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:11,506 Take care of the kiddos and yourself. 122 00:08:11,506 --> 00:08:12,339 - [Brian] Thank you so much, dude. 123 00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:14,252 Good luck on the rest of your tour. 124 00:08:14,252 --> 00:08:16,729 - [Man] I can't believe he came, dude. 125 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,470 It's been a pleasure. - Thank you so much. 126 00:08:18,470 --> 00:08:20,450 These are the download cards. 127 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,890 And then there's seven inch packs. 128 00:08:21,890 --> 00:08:24,010 - How much? - 20 for the vinyl. 129 00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:27,202 These are each 10, and then the pack of seven inches in 35. 130 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,420 - Okay. 131 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,100 - [David] And I take cards if that's helpful. 132 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,766 - Oh yeah? And that is. 133 00:08:31,766 --> 00:08:34,552 Then I'll take the vinyl and the seven. 134 00:08:34,552 --> 00:08:35,987 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 135 00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:40,220 - This is awesome. - It was a great show. 136 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,637 (soft music) 137 00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:55,130 - [David] Before inventing house shows, you know, 138 00:08:55,130 --> 00:08:57,010 I was at the pawn shop all the time 139 00:08:57,010 --> 00:09:00,710 with my gear in pawn to make ends meet. 140 00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:03,430 And once we got house shows figured out, 141 00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:05,740 I had never went to the pawn shop again. 142 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:09,513 But all of a sudden, I'm on the road all of the time. 143 00:09:09,513 --> 00:09:12,640 I recently realized I was gone two years and nine months 144 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,400 of my son's first five years on Earth, over half. 145 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,920 And I've been right on that line for too long. 146 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,780 Like, how much can my marriage withstand? 147 00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:23,380 A couple of years ago it became clear 148 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:25,260 that our marriage really can't stand 149 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,723 this amount of time away. 150 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:32,447 And watching it crack and seeing it could be over soon, 151 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:37,690 I gotta get home more. (soft music) 152 00:09:44,131 --> 00:09:45,360 - [Nils] What time is it for you? 153 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,283 - It's after midnight. 154 00:09:49,161 --> 00:09:50,770 - [Eleanor] We're at 9:36 right now. 155 00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:53,080 - I know, I'm at 12:36. 156 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,333 What are you doing, Nils? 157 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:56,754 Hi. 158 00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:00,246 - [Eleanor] I hate him so much right now. 159 00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:02,763 - He's just looking for love. 160 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,057 I'll be home in a minute. 161 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:07,210 - [Eleanor] In a minute? 162 00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:08,793 In a minute? - Mhm. 163 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:12,403 - I love you so much. - I love you too. 164 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,983 I miss you guys. - I miss you too, dad. 165 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,880 - How are dealing with all of that? 166 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:22,981 (laughs) 167 00:10:22,981 --> 00:10:24,735 - [Ann] I'm gonna go. 168 00:10:24,735 --> 00:10:27,853 - Pew, pew, pew, pew. - All right, bye. 169 00:10:27,853 --> 00:10:29,183 - I love you guys. 170 00:10:30,967 --> 00:10:33,384 (soft music) 171 00:11:12,677 --> 00:11:15,770 You have to be really crafty about logistics 172 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:17,280 and how to make the day to day work 173 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,360 and where to shave things off, you know, 174 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,253 hotel rooms or staying with people. 175 00:11:21,253 --> 00:11:23,350 You know, there are just like a hundred ways 176 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,420 to figure out how to do it. 177 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,520 Being middle aged, having kids, trying to justify 178 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,030 this weird choice that you made when you were 19 179 00:11:31,030 --> 00:11:33,880 and that all of your buddies either got rich doing it, 180 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,770 or have given it up. 181 00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:37,950 And so you're trying to justify all this stuff 182 00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,560 and it's easy to lose faith, but if you're finding 183 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,270 that spark, if you're finding that thing 184 00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:45,880 that made the White Album just flip your chemistry 185 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,030 when you were in eighth grade. 186 00:11:47,030 --> 00:11:48,920 And you're not Paul McCartney or John Lennon, 187 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,140 but you're doing something that connects 188 00:11:51,140 --> 00:11:54,090 your brain that same way, then you can keep going 189 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:54,973 for a long time. 190 00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:57,923 So that's the trick. 191 00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:02,670 If Pedro had put out another record and it was really good 192 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:05,370 and well received, that was the moment 193 00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,550 where it was gonna change, you know? 194 00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:11,420 There had been a string of close buddies 195 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:14,210 that had been in the band and were now 196 00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:15,540 not in the band anymore. 197 00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:20,070 There was some sort of failure in each of those instances. 198 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,970 They didn't have enough ownership or whatever. 199 00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,993 It just didn't work, repeatedly. 200 00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:28,380 All this was happening during the realizations 201 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:31,490 I was having about Christianity and the Christian narrative 202 00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:33,260 and how it was all kind of falling apart. 203 00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:36,220 I was, you know, just a bundle of contradictions 204 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,550 and so I just thought, well I just need to lean 205 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,610 into all those contradictions just 206 00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:44,973 to be the mess that I am about this stuff. 207 00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:49,760 I mean, Pedro the Lion was a really beautiful thing 208 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,760 and it was really working for a time, 209 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,680 and when that couldn't work, I just thought that 210 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,870 something is wrong, something about the premise 211 00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:03,770 of this thing is flawed and you need to walk 212 00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:06,140 away from that premise, whatever that is. 213 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:10,153 And to me, the name of that premise was Pedro the Lion. 214 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,740 I couldn't write anything. 215 00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:17,220 I didn't know why it wasn't working, 216 00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:19,050 and I didn't know what I was doing wrong 217 00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:20,726 and so I killed it, and along with it, 218 00:13:20,726 --> 00:13:23,920 I effectively killed my livelihood, 219 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,670 I mean, my career basically, to try to find out 220 00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:30,380 why this was happening and get some clarity. 221 00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,430 Just driving around, playing solo shows, 222 00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:34,760 trying to think through it and give myself 223 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,160 some time to figure it out and then maybe by the time 224 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,010 I put out my first solo record, 225 00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:41,310 I would be in a position to have a band again. 226 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,220 For me to be allowed to continue to do this work 227 00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:47,370 of songwriting and interacting with people 228 00:13:47,370 --> 00:13:50,320 and putting out records, while I've been figuring this out, 229 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,743 really, really helped me. 230 00:13:59,065 --> 00:14:01,482 (soft music) 231 00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:07,143 Where is it? 232 00:14:07,143 --> 00:14:08,570 Through here? 233 00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:09,670 - [Yuuki] Third floor. 234 00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:17,680 - With this method of touring, people didn't know 235 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,690 what to expect and so, I got to define what it was 236 00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:24,530 and so it allowed me to be myself more frequently. 237 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,970 It was grounding for me. 238 00:14:25,970 --> 00:14:27,900 It was a pure form of the thing. 239 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:31,770 There's no lights, there's no stage, there's no pomp. 240 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:34,370 You're right there, on the same scale. 241 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:38,040 If it was at a rock club, it wouldn't work the same way, 242 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,470 but you're in this place that you've never been, 243 00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:43,010 they've never been before. 244 00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:46,780 Everybody was just off balance and open and so 245 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:50,030 that was when I started seeing vulnerability 246 00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:54,653 as the antidote to all this anxiety and self loathing. 247 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,910 It was really helpful to take the problem out 248 00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:02,450 of my head to sort of interact with that work 249 00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:04,590 over and over again and the profound 250 00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:06,510 and vulnerable way of singing. 251 00:15:06,510 --> 00:15:08,710 What it does to your brain when you sing 252 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:12,750 something that you know and that you love, it heals you. 253 00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:19,133 ♪ Oh ♪ 254 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:26,114 ♪ Oh ♪ 255 00:15:26,114 --> 00:15:30,915 ♪ Oh ♪ 256 00:15:30,915 --> 00:15:35,028 ♪ Oh ♪ 257 00:15:35,028 --> 00:15:39,863 ♪ Oh ♪ 258 00:15:39,863 --> 00:15:43,072 ♪ Oh ♪ 259 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:47,894 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 260 00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:51,786 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 261 00:15:51,786 --> 00:15:56,661 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 262 00:15:56,661 --> 00:15:59,567 ♪ Oh ♪ 263 00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:04,567 ♪ Oh ♪ 264 00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:10,446 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 265 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:15,016 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 266 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,065 ♪ Oh ♪ 267 00:16:16,065 --> 00:16:17,897 ♪ Oh ♪ 268 00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:20,897 (audience applause) 269 00:16:29,957 --> 00:16:33,870 I'm called Dave Bazan, this is Yuuki Matthews. 270 00:16:33,870 --> 00:16:35,120 Yeah, do y'all have any questions 271 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,420 at this point in the show? 272 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,540 It's kind of early, but, maybe you curiosity 273 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,343 has already been stirred, who knows. 274 00:16:42,970 --> 00:16:45,790 Okay well, we can talk later, also. 275 00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:48,553 We have got a couple more songs that we can play. 276 00:16:48,553 --> 00:16:50,224 (laughing) 277 00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:52,148 What is the definition of what couple means? 278 00:16:52,148 --> 00:16:53,473 - Two, right? - Two? 279 00:16:53,473 --> 00:16:54,306 - [Woman] Three. 280 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:55,580 - Or three. - Isn't a few 281 00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,413 three or more? 282 00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:58,420 - Yeah but when I say go grab couple me a couple of beers, 283 00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:02,043 I do mean three. (audience laughs) 284 00:17:02,923 --> 00:17:06,720 - Are you surprised that people who are religious 285 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,673 are still very big fans of you? 286 00:17:08,673 --> 00:17:11,633 Does that bother you or-- - No. 287 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,260 I care about what happens with Christianity. 288 00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:17,543 I want it to get better. 289 00:17:18,695 --> 00:17:22,670 I want it to quit shittin' the bed so consistently. 290 00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:26,190 So when I hear that, that there are Christians whose 291 00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:29,360 faith is of the sort that you can sit 292 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,160 and listen to me blabbing on for nine minutes, 293 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,960 to me that is a good sign. 294 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,110 In regards to, whoever is going to like this music 295 00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:42,970 is gonna like it. I can't stop it, and I would never want to, 296 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,857 'cause I got a few in my family. 297 00:17:44,857 --> 00:17:48,096 (audience laughs) 298 00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:53,096 (soft music) (people chattering) 299 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,540 I find myself interacting with people that 300 00:17:57,540 --> 00:17:59,410 we have different worldviews, 301 00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:01,270 but I'm trying to find common ground and I say, 302 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:03,320 when you say God's kingdom, what do you think about? 303 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,010 And they say, oh well justice and these things, 304 00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:06,880 and I was like, me too. 305 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,160 I think that's important too. 306 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,513 Let's join together and do that. 307 00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,840 Because partially, you're scared of burning in hell 308 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,460 for all eternity, me just 'cause I think it's a great idea. 309 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:18,640 But let's do it, you know wat I'm saying? 310 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,320 The fruit on the tree, that's the thing. 311 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,440 People can claim all kinds of things, 312 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,330 but what's the fruit, you know, in the end? 313 00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:28,900 That's the myth of a powerful movement 314 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,820 like American Evangelical Christianity. 315 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:33,980 That there is one way to think about a thing. 316 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,670 That the interpretation that seems universal 317 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:38,510 is the real thing. 318 00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,040 And so in the end, I realized that I was 319 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,333 challenging nothing more than an institution. 320 00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:46,598 (soft music) 321 00:18:57,510 --> 00:19:02,020 I think my brain always was kind of deconstructing things, 322 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,550 even as like a kid. 323 00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:06,460 Seventh grade, I remember we were at this church 324 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:09,120 in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, 325 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,460 and it was Fourth of July and my dad 326 00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:15,470 was the music pastor this church and they had 327 00:19:15,470 --> 00:19:17,910 a color guard that came in and had flags 328 00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:20,130 and I think fake guns, walking up the aisle, 329 00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,060 and we sang a bunch of patriotic songs. 330 00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,660 And I remember thinking, like, 331 00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:26,550 I think these guys are getting some things mixed up. 332 00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:28,090 I wouldn't have known the world conflate 333 00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:30,930 but that you're conflating two things with one another 334 00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:33,313 that don't go, that aren't the same thing. 335 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:36,150 That day I mentioned it to my dad, like, 336 00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:38,320 yeah, I don't think those things go together. 337 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,127 His response was, "Oh, interesting. 338 00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:43,447 "Tell me more about that." 339 00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:47,862 (cars passing) 340 00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:55,368 (tense music) 341 00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:17,003 Yeah. 342 00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:21,753 What did she do in that last race? 343 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:23,913 Was it an IM? 344 00:20:25,706 --> 00:20:26,570 Did she do okay? 345 00:20:26,570 --> 00:20:27,450 Two seconds? 346 00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,300 Oh man, that's so great. 347 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:30,330 Oh, that's so good. 348 00:20:43,706 --> 00:20:46,456 (drill whirring) 349 00:21:00,388 --> 00:21:02,638 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 350 00:21:04,281 --> 00:21:07,448 (soft acoustic music) 351 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:13,830 (audience applause) 352 00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:16,440 You all wanna talk about anything 353 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,210 at this point in the show? 354 00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,800 - [Woman] So the Whole EP was one of the first albums 355 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,360 that I listened to by you. 356 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,225 It's a lot different. - It is different. 357 00:21:24,225 --> 00:21:26,970 - [Woman] Than what you have recently produced. 358 00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:28,950 What made you so bitter? 359 00:21:28,950 --> 00:21:31,605 - Whoa, I'm not even a little bit bitter. 360 00:21:31,605 --> 00:21:32,890 (audience laughs) 361 00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:36,277 I changed a lot since the time I was 18 until now 362 00:21:36,277 --> 00:21:38,573 and I just did it in front of people. 363 00:21:39,738 --> 00:21:41,130 - I have a question. - Yep. 364 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,167 - [Audience Member] Are you tired of talking about Christianity? 365 00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:46,090 - Oh no, it's so fascinating. (audience members laugh) 366 00:21:46,090 --> 00:21:48,580 Christianity is still creating so many problems 367 00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:51,283 all around us, like I'm dying to talk about it. 368 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:54,957 Dying. (laughing) 369 00:21:54,957 --> 00:21:58,124 (soft acoustic music) 370 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,130 - Growing up in church, listening to Christian rock 371 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,550 and this and that, or even somebody 372 00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:14,040 who was like, within the church. 373 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,190 As soon as you found out that somebody left the church, 374 00:22:17,190 --> 00:22:19,298 you're done, I'm never listening to your shit again. 375 00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,670 - Yeah, right. - I find, you seem to be 376 00:22:21,670 --> 00:22:24,210 an anomaly, which is a positive thing. 377 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:27,690 That you do this and you have this large majority 378 00:22:27,690 --> 00:22:30,880 of your fan base are still young believers 379 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,822 that still continue to support you 380 00:22:32,822 --> 00:22:33,900 and they're here tonight. 381 00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:36,130 And you're the only person that I think I can name 382 00:22:36,130 --> 00:22:38,740 that has that type of support. 383 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:40,820 - What I hope is happening is that there 384 00:22:40,820 --> 00:22:43,670 is a space, more of a middle ground, 385 00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:47,210 for people to remain Christian, and for their faith 386 00:22:47,210 --> 00:22:52,210 to become faith and not a militant sort of, 387 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,400 you're either with us or against, 388 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,770 like an othering kind of thing where there's 389 00:22:56,770 --> 00:22:59,290 a vulnerability to actual faith that isn't just, like, 390 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:00,580 a club that you're beating people with. 391 00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:01,413 - Right. 392 00:23:01,413 --> 00:23:03,790 - Would you say that there's stuff that's out there 393 00:23:03,790 --> 00:23:06,790 that you've written and that you used to believe in 394 00:23:06,790 --> 00:23:08,180 that you don't believe in anymore? 395 00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:09,013 - Yes. 396 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,033 - And, um, so people find this music by you, 397 00:23:14,033 --> 00:23:16,750 and they're like, oh this is David Buzan, but, 398 00:23:16,750 --> 00:23:18,127 is it really? 399 00:23:18,127 --> 00:23:21,847 - It's David Buzan from a certain point in time. 400 00:23:21,847 --> 00:23:25,960 At any given point, it's always been totally in earnest 401 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,910 so yeah, I changed my mind about certain things, 402 00:23:28,910 --> 00:23:31,590 but it was genuine at the time. 403 00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:33,343 - That's understandable. 404 00:23:33,343 --> 00:23:34,560 - Sure. (woman laughs) 405 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,160 I think it's commendable. - It's very commendable. 406 00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:42,960 (soft acoustic rock music) 407 00:24:00,687 --> 00:24:02,780 - [Justin] In the same way that is often communicated 408 00:24:02,780 --> 00:24:05,720 of you, this sort of like, departure. 409 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:06,760 - [David] Departure. 410 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,393 - Or stepping out. - Yep. 411 00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:11,680 - Those words don't connect emotionally 412 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:16,510 with what you believe or feel like is a place for you 413 00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:18,240 in a broader cultural context. 414 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,830 - I don't believe in the Resurrection, 415 00:24:19,830 --> 00:24:22,490 I don't believe in the fall, I don't believe in the trinity. 416 00:24:22,490 --> 00:24:24,030 I don't know if there is God at all, 417 00:24:24,030 --> 00:24:26,780 but I know that document pretty well 418 00:24:26,780 --> 00:24:30,550 and I see a thread in it that one could follow 419 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:33,330 and the fruit of one's life and one's community 420 00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:34,763 and everything would be something really different 421 00:24:34,763 --> 00:24:37,270 that what we see in America. 422 00:24:37,270 --> 00:24:38,900 There is this thing that I think, 423 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:40,640 if we all pay a little closer attention, 424 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,090 could go better than it's going and so if I can help, 425 00:24:43,090 --> 00:24:44,330 then I'm gonna. 426 00:24:44,330 --> 00:24:47,120 I am participating in a larger Christian tradition. 427 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,260 That's what I was born into, that's the language I know, 428 00:24:49,260 --> 00:24:51,060 that's how I understand ethics. 429 00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,617 I'm a son of Evangelical Christianity 430 00:24:53,617 --> 00:24:57,280 and I'll never not be that. (soft music) 431 00:25:04,582 --> 00:25:06,430 In high school, God was church. 432 00:25:06,430 --> 00:25:08,240 And then once I got out of high school, 433 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,240 I realized that I wanted to take my faith more seriously 434 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,150 and for me, that meant having a 435 00:25:14,150 --> 00:25:16,810 more regular devotional time. 436 00:25:16,810 --> 00:25:19,430 Reading more and more books, praying more. 437 00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:22,390 I would try to spend an hour or two every day 438 00:25:22,390 --> 00:25:25,690 reading the Bible, doing some Bible study devotional book, 439 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:28,940 praying, and trying to sin less. 440 00:25:28,940 --> 00:25:31,890 To do Christianity in the most devoted 441 00:25:31,890 --> 00:25:34,710 and thorough way that I knew how. 442 00:25:34,710 --> 00:25:36,040 I always thought that I was gonna be 443 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:37,470 a pastor when I was growing up. 444 00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:40,270 It was just in my head, eventually I'll probably 445 00:25:40,270 --> 00:25:43,090 be a pastor, like start a church or something like that. 446 00:25:47,062 --> 00:25:51,084 ♪ You came from heaven to earth ♪ 447 00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:54,689 ♪ To show the way ♪ 448 00:25:54,689 --> 00:25:58,359 ♪ From the earth to the cross ♪ 449 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:01,170 ♪ My debt to pay ♪ The first time I ever 450 00:26:01,170 --> 00:26:03,430 played guitar in front of anybody, 451 00:26:03,430 --> 00:26:05,370 I was leading the two and three year old 452 00:26:05,370 --> 00:26:07,550 Sunday school class and like, you know, 453 00:26:07,550 --> 00:26:10,397 if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 454 00:26:10,397 --> 00:26:12,500 And then shortly after that, in 10th grade, 455 00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:15,500 I started writing songs of my own. 456 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:16,950 And then when I started writing songs, 457 00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,760 I thought that this is what I wanna do. 458 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,090 I just wanna write these songs 459 00:26:21,090 --> 00:26:23,093 and drive around and sing 'em, you know? 460 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,933 Thanks for being here. 461 00:26:32,420 --> 00:26:37,420 ♪ And all the way to grandma's house ♪ 462 00:26:37,928 --> 00:26:42,928 ♪ I stayed on the narrow path ♪ 463 00:26:43,044 --> 00:26:48,044 ♪ My younger brother wandered off ♪ 464 00:26:48,392 --> 00:26:52,659 ♪ Deep into the woods ♪ 465 00:26:52,659 --> 00:26:57,659 ♪ Bitten twice by rattlesnakes ♪ 466 00:26:57,757 --> 00:27:02,757 ♪ Tangled up in poison oak ♪ 467 00:27:03,031 --> 00:27:08,031 ♪ He fell down and broke his legs ♪ 468 00:27:08,059 --> 00:27:12,337 ♪ Into a great ravine ♪ 469 00:27:12,337 --> 00:27:17,337 ♪ When I arrived at grandma's house ♪ 470 00:27:17,441 --> 00:27:22,299 ♪ She had made us tea and cake ♪ 471 00:27:22,299 --> 00:27:27,299 ♪ She asked me where my brother was ♪ 472 00:27:27,501 --> 00:27:31,668 ♪ And I said I don't know and ate ♪ 473 00:27:34,630 --> 00:27:36,010 - [Man] NPR's Sarah McCammon reports 474 00:27:36,010 --> 00:27:37,320 from Richmond, Virginia. 475 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,250 - [Sarah] Since the band's inception, Pedro the Lion 476 00:27:39,250 --> 00:27:41,570 has always towed the line between indie rock 477 00:27:41,570 --> 00:27:42,920 and Christian music. 478 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,060 One of the things that stands out to me 479 00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:46,530 as I hear even some of your very early work 480 00:27:46,530 --> 00:27:48,000 as Pedro the Lion, a lot of these songs 481 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,950 are riddled with uncertainty and doubt 482 00:27:49,950 --> 00:27:51,210 and criticism of religion. 483 00:27:51,210 --> 00:27:53,280 And so this has been a long process for you. 484 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,270 What do you think made the band 485 00:27:54,270 --> 00:27:56,300 so successful in the early 2000s? 486 00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:58,310 What is it that resonated with people? 487 00:27:58,310 --> 00:28:00,570 - I don't totally know, but I can guess. 488 00:28:00,570 --> 00:28:04,850 I think there is an earnestness that I wrote with 489 00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:09,330 and an openness with which I sang about doubt 490 00:28:09,330 --> 00:28:11,610 and faith at a time when I don't really 491 00:28:11,610 --> 00:28:13,710 think that was going on much. 492 00:28:13,710 --> 00:28:15,690 I think I did it in such a way that it wasn't 493 00:28:15,690 --> 00:28:17,900 slogans or trying to convert anybody. 494 00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:21,050 It was just me trying to process what was going on 495 00:28:21,050 --> 00:28:25,061 inside my head, and I guess that worked for some folks. 496 00:28:25,061 --> 00:28:30,061 ♪ When I get to heaven ♪ 497 00:28:30,399 --> 00:28:35,399 ♪ I'll be greeted warmly ♪ 498 00:28:35,721 --> 00:28:40,721 ♪ Surrounded by the angels ♪ 499 00:28:41,327 --> 00:28:44,584 ♪ As Jesus takes my hand ♪ 500 00:28:44,584 --> 00:28:46,040 There was a sense early on that, like, 501 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,710 there's a version of Christianity that is 502 00:28:48,710 --> 00:28:53,010 kind of pure and based on scripture that the people 503 00:28:53,010 --> 00:28:54,230 in the culture that I'm a part of 504 00:28:54,230 --> 00:28:56,680 are just barely paying lip service to 505 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:01,030 and that was a lot to think about forever until I was 28. 506 00:29:01,030 --> 00:29:05,657 My thinking was more reform the church, just be better. 507 00:29:10,064 --> 00:29:12,130 (audience cheering) 508 00:29:12,130 --> 00:29:13,530 Thanks a lot. 509 00:29:13,530 --> 00:29:16,170 There's a lot of different factors that come to play 510 00:29:16,170 --> 00:29:20,070 and have caused a pretty severe ghetto of thought 511 00:29:20,070 --> 00:29:23,370 and creativity and artistic expression 512 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:25,120 in the Christian church. 513 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,280 We should be creating things that are risky and new, 514 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,060 attempting to sloganize the gospel I think 515 00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:34,280 degraded it to the point of making it the most unprofound 516 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,250 thing that there is so I just encourage you guys, 517 00:29:37,250 --> 00:29:39,017 throw off the shackles of Christian culture 518 00:29:39,017 --> 00:29:43,671 and the Christian industry-- (audience cheers) 519 00:29:43,671 --> 00:29:47,350 And attempt to do something that's not down or whatever. 520 00:29:47,350 --> 00:29:50,900 I wanted to be able to be a band that was on 521 00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:53,880 general market record labels and Tower Records 522 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:54,970 and play in clubs. 523 00:29:54,970 --> 00:29:57,930 Not play churches, not have my records distributed 524 00:29:57,930 --> 00:30:00,310 on a Christian label and not having them sold 525 00:30:00,310 --> 00:30:01,840 only in Christian bookstores. 526 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,020 I wanted out of that subculture... 527 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,030 musically. 528 00:30:09,030 --> 00:30:12,190 I wanted to just sink or swim by my merits 529 00:30:12,190 --> 00:30:15,610 if I was allowed to do that in the world at large. 530 00:30:15,610 --> 00:30:17,220 When It's Hard to Find a Friend came out, 531 00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:18,590 that's exactly what happened. 532 00:30:18,590 --> 00:30:21,740 It got critical acclaim and got played on the radio 533 00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:24,140 and played in rock clubs with bands who 534 00:30:24,140 --> 00:30:25,610 we didn't know from church. 535 00:30:25,610 --> 00:30:28,360 That's exactly what I wanted was just to be allowed 536 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:32,380 to be out of the bubble and just be, 537 00:30:32,380 --> 00:30:35,123 and just hock my wares the best I could. 538 00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:37,688 (audience clapping) 539 00:30:37,688 --> 00:30:40,849 Does anybody have any questions at this point? 540 00:30:40,849 --> 00:30:44,128 - [Man] How important is Jesus to you? 541 00:30:44,128 --> 00:30:45,326 - That's like a private conversation. 542 00:30:45,326 --> 00:30:48,600 - I'm sorry man. - That's all right. 543 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,600 I'm gonna ask for a different one, yeah? 544 00:30:53,703 --> 00:30:56,953 (soft, tinkling music) 545 00:31:04,370 --> 00:31:06,010 It wasn't until after high school that I really 546 00:31:06,010 --> 00:31:10,210 had the bandwidth to start to really take it seriously 547 00:31:10,210 --> 00:31:11,680 and so then I went to Bible college 548 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:16,330 and just epiphany and paradigm shift after epiphany. 549 00:31:16,330 --> 00:31:19,460 And then some of these deeper questions started 550 00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:22,250 to come up where I had realized that I had 551 00:31:22,250 --> 00:31:25,880 not ever evaluated the fundamental truth claims 552 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,360 of Christianity and that I was just sort of 553 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,010 rolling along with these premises that were 554 00:31:31,010 --> 00:31:33,840 un-sort-of-substantiated at the root 555 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,780 of my entire system of belief. 556 00:31:35,780 --> 00:31:39,780 And I thought, well it makes sense that if I'm gonna 557 00:31:39,780 --> 00:31:42,530 really do this right, I need to evaluate those. 558 00:31:42,530 --> 00:31:45,630 The faithful response to them is not to hide from them, 559 00:31:45,630 --> 00:31:48,993 because these questions can't hurt God. 560 00:31:52,570 --> 00:31:55,010 I certainly was reading the Bible a bunch, 561 00:31:55,010 --> 00:31:58,140 like trying to read it like I had never seen it before 562 00:31:58,140 --> 00:31:59,870 where I didn't have a bunch of assumptions. 563 00:31:59,870 --> 00:32:02,540 But I was just like, really reading it, 564 00:32:02,540 --> 00:32:05,900 and so as I mulled it over more and more, 565 00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:10,270 it just seemed less and less likely that... 566 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,800 That the picture of God that I has accepted 567 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,083 from Christianity was true. 568 00:32:21,870 --> 00:32:25,010 I think hell was one of the first things to go, 569 00:32:25,010 --> 00:32:28,060 and errancy followed pretty soon after. 570 00:32:28,060 --> 00:32:30,283 Original sin came up pretty quick. 571 00:32:31,330 --> 00:32:36,330 Moving from assuredness to anything else, 572 00:32:36,610 --> 00:32:37,860 no matter what it is, is, 573 00:32:40,605 --> 00:32:41,805 is pretty destabilizing. 574 00:32:44,540 --> 00:32:47,780 At that point in time, the way that my faith had developed 575 00:32:47,780 --> 00:32:50,430 and the way that God functioned in my brain, 576 00:32:50,430 --> 00:32:51,550 it was the same as me. 577 00:32:51,550 --> 00:32:55,530 I mean, it was like this God was inside of me 578 00:32:55,530 --> 00:32:58,920 and knew me intimately, knew all of my thoughts. 579 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:03,037 I was losing this tremendous resource, a friend, 580 00:33:04,810 --> 00:33:09,003 a confidant, somebody who made my identity what it was. 581 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,100 While I was doing all that processing 582 00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:22,040 and falling away in kind of slow motion, 583 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,673 I would have the impulse to like, pray to God about it. 584 00:33:26,540 --> 00:33:29,580 And then other times, I felt the strong need 585 00:33:29,580 --> 00:33:32,360 to just guard myself against any kind 586 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:37,190 of sentimentality or God, really, 587 00:33:37,190 --> 00:33:38,590 and so then I would do that. 588 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,990 Sometimes both things would happen in the same day. 589 00:33:46,220 --> 00:33:50,810 There were a few moments, one of which I was in church 590 00:33:50,810 --> 00:33:52,880 and it was Christmastime and we were singing 591 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:57,880 all of these really rad, old hymns, Christmas carols, 592 00:33:58,370 --> 00:33:59,870 and I was doing the work. 593 00:33:59,870 --> 00:34:04,530 Like, you know, one stanza of lyrics, 594 00:34:04,530 --> 00:34:06,940 I would sing and I would think to myself, 595 00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:09,030 I believe that, that's real. 596 00:34:09,030 --> 00:34:10,453 And the next stanza, 597 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,350 you know I was doing like a line item veto 598 00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:16,240 of these songs and really doing the work. 599 00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:19,180 Just sitting there and engaging and wrestling with it, 600 00:34:19,180 --> 00:34:21,760 and it was cathartic and it felt like, 601 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,970 it felt right to me, and then I sat down 602 00:34:24,970 --> 00:34:29,060 and the guy who was speaking spoke and I hated him. 603 00:34:29,060 --> 00:34:34,060 I hated every moment of, it was just so unserious to me. 604 00:34:34,650 --> 00:34:37,170 It was like pandery and just was the epitome 605 00:34:37,170 --> 00:34:39,220 of what I wasn't interested in. 606 00:34:39,220 --> 00:34:41,667 I'm sort of wrestling with this and then he says, 607 00:34:41,667 --> 00:34:43,520 "Okay, now we're gonna take communion." 608 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,020 And I thought, I can't take communion. 609 00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:49,610 I'm so not in community with this. 610 00:34:49,610 --> 00:34:53,900 Like, I've just sat here and judged it so negatively 611 00:34:53,900 --> 00:34:55,890 for 30 minutes. 612 00:34:55,890 --> 00:34:58,980 I hadn't been to church, more or less, for years, 613 00:34:58,980 --> 00:35:02,130 but I had never not taken communion. 614 00:35:02,130 --> 00:35:06,310 And I had just, as they started passing out the omens, 615 00:35:06,310 --> 00:35:07,470 I just stood up and left. 616 00:35:07,470 --> 00:35:08,933 I just, I can't. 617 00:35:08,933 --> 00:35:11,970 I just told my wife, I was like, "I'm gonna be in the car." 618 00:35:11,970 --> 00:35:14,230 And what I did was I walked down to a bar 619 00:35:14,230 --> 00:35:17,370 and had a shot and a beer and kind of had 620 00:35:17,370 --> 00:35:19,800 my own little communion ceremony. 621 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,653 And then we went to lunch and I just, 622 00:35:23,010 --> 00:35:26,640 I stayed in the car and just sobbed for like 40 minutes 623 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:31,580 and then met them in lunch, it was already going. 624 00:35:31,580 --> 00:35:34,470 And I was devastated, I just thought, 625 00:35:34,470 --> 00:35:35,540 it felt like... 626 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:41,600 Yeah, it was gradual, but there were these moments 627 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,660 where there was big shifts. 628 00:35:44,660 --> 00:35:47,967 And that was one. (rock music) 629 00:36:01,263 --> 00:36:06,248 ♪ Wouldn't it be ♪ 630 00:36:06,248 --> 00:36:08,831 ♪ So wonderful ♪ 631 00:36:17,066 --> 00:36:22,066 ♪ If everything were ♪ 632 00:36:26,217 --> 00:36:28,717 ♪ Meaningless ♪ 633 00:36:36,393 --> 00:36:39,643 ♪ But everything is so ♪ 634 00:36:46,582 --> 00:36:51,582 ♪ Meaningful ♪ 635 00:36:55,210 --> 00:36:58,877 ♪ And most everything turns ♪ 636 00:37:04,393 --> 00:37:09,393 ♪ To shit ♪ (rock music) 637 00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:19,001 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 638 00:37:19,001 --> 00:37:23,647 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 639 00:37:23,647 --> 00:37:28,647 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 640 00:37:33,302 --> 00:37:37,969 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 641 00:37:37,969 --> 00:37:42,116 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 642 00:37:42,116 --> 00:37:44,283 ♪ Rejoice ♪ 643 00:37:49,903 --> 00:37:52,320 (rock music) 644 00:38:42,152 --> 00:38:47,152 (wind blowing) (soft music) 645 00:39:00,783 --> 00:39:02,790 I think I continued to kind of wrestle with it 646 00:39:02,790 --> 00:39:05,070 for a long time, and in some ways, I still do. 647 00:39:05,070 --> 00:39:07,880 I mean, you know, God ridden me of God, 648 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,250 it's a powerful idea. 649 00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:12,743 And was it just the false, 650 00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:16,430 you know, deity that I was shedding, 651 00:39:16,430 --> 00:39:19,110 and there's a real deity 652 00:39:21,010 --> 00:39:23,100 that looks totally different in the 653 00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:24,320 nooks and crannies somewhere? 654 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,156 In the dark matter, you know? 655 00:39:27,156 --> 00:39:28,239 I don't know. 656 00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:30,970 It feels impossible most of the time, 657 00:39:30,970 --> 00:39:35,633 but sometimes, so yeah, it was very painful. 658 00:39:36,590 --> 00:39:38,960 The loss and the grieving and all that stuff 659 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,623 were really pretty real and profound. 660 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,960 Particularly when I attempted to suspend 661 00:39:50,740 --> 00:39:55,710 my belief that God existed, I didn't know that 662 00:39:55,710 --> 00:39:57,670 it was happening at the time, 663 00:39:57,670 --> 00:39:59,930 but only could kind of put it together. 664 00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:03,873 But man, that habit of drinking, 665 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:08,683 as much as we were, 666 00:40:12,030 --> 00:40:14,490 was real bad. 667 00:40:14,490 --> 00:40:16,910 It was a dissonance, I think, that my mind 668 00:40:16,910 --> 00:40:17,743 just couldn't deal with. 669 00:40:17,743 --> 00:40:20,940 I was just looking to get, I was just looking 670 00:40:20,940 --> 00:40:22,797 to lose time, I just wanted to, 671 00:40:24,270 --> 00:40:26,713 to blackout for a while.... 672 00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:33,140 As confused as it was, even at the time, 673 00:40:33,140 --> 00:40:35,640 my identity was still based a lot on 674 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,500 some form of my faith. 675 00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:39,630 - [Marianne] Some of your songs now that you talk about 676 00:40:39,630 --> 00:40:42,993 as being more autobiographical, talk about drinking. 677 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,450 How is that sort of path gone? 678 00:40:45,450 --> 00:40:47,370 I mean, have you... 679 00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:53,310 - Well, in Pedro the Lion... 680 00:40:57,100 --> 00:40:59,740 Well, then let's talk about drinking. 681 00:40:59,740 --> 00:41:01,600 - [Marianne] Yeah, maybe we should. 682 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:03,000 'Cause you've actually made it a little bit 683 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,600 of a public issue. But then you tend to make some of your 684 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,240 private stuff pretty public. - Yeah. 685 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,243 - [Marianne] And, um... 686 00:41:10,243 --> 00:41:11,580 - Mhm. 687 00:41:11,580 --> 00:41:16,580 These habits that, at the time, weren't particularly dark, 688 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:21,260 but they were, then, it just was that habit 689 00:41:21,260 --> 00:41:24,010 was a place when things did kind of turn a little dark. 690 00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:30,900 Then, you know, drinking 15 or 20 a day wasn't 691 00:41:32,970 --> 00:41:36,240 an expression of all the good things that we were feeling. 692 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:38,100 It turned into an expression of all of 693 00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:39,803 the bad things that we were feeling. 694 00:41:41,385 --> 00:41:45,120 (soft, melancholy music) 695 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,650 On that tour, I think, was the moment when things 696 00:41:47,650 --> 00:41:49,010 really started to shift. 697 00:41:49,010 --> 00:41:51,653 My drinking was at kind of an apex. 698 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,251 We haven't checked in yet. 699 00:41:55,251 --> 00:41:56,312 We're in the band Pedro the Lion, 700 00:41:56,312 --> 00:41:58,254 we checking in right now. 701 00:41:58,254 --> 00:42:00,322 - [Man] Oh man, this is crazy. 702 00:42:00,322 --> 00:42:01,240 - [David] I can't believe that not even, 703 00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:03,309 I mean, Cody's the only one that's been here. 704 00:42:03,309 --> 00:42:05,060 - I've never been here. 705 00:42:05,060 --> 00:42:07,230 - You know I've never seen this one. 706 00:42:07,230 --> 00:42:09,140 - And once we got onto the festival grounds, 707 00:42:09,140 --> 00:42:11,890 I switched to a jug that I had prepared, 708 00:42:11,890 --> 00:42:15,330 poured like a third of the water out of this gallon jug 709 00:42:15,330 --> 00:42:16,970 and filled it up with vodka. 710 00:42:16,970 --> 00:42:18,790 We had to be to the festival grounds because 711 00:42:18,790 --> 00:42:20,420 I had an interview and it was with this guy, 712 00:42:20,420 --> 00:42:22,750 Andrew Beaujon, who was writing a piece 713 00:42:22,750 --> 00:42:24,072 for the Washington Post. 714 00:42:24,072 --> 00:42:29,905 Whatever you want. There's the uh, they're short of the hospitality trait. 715 00:42:29,970 --> 00:42:31,120 I mean, he's a grown person. 716 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,980 He could tell a drunk person when he sees one, 717 00:42:33,980 --> 00:42:36,930 and he also could tell that I was drinking out of 718 00:42:36,930 --> 00:42:39,310 a water jug that was a lot of vodka, so, 719 00:42:39,310 --> 00:42:42,270 that was part of the texture in his piece was that. 720 00:42:43,657 --> 00:42:46,160 And so, later I think, once the piece came out, 721 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:48,850 maybe a week or two later, that was when Cornerstone 722 00:42:48,850 --> 00:42:50,650 realized that I had been on the grounds 723 00:42:50,650 --> 00:42:54,145 and I was hammered and drinking on the grounds, 724 00:42:54,145 --> 00:42:55,695 and that's expressly forbidden. 725 00:42:59,390 --> 00:43:04,000 In a way, I have, I'm living a double life. 726 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,720 I mean, I have these two very different spheres 727 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:09,863 that I'm existing in at almost equal times. 728 00:43:10,950 --> 00:43:12,161 - [Ann] Who is that? 729 00:43:12,161 --> 00:43:13,483 - Is it all the way zoomed? 730 00:43:18,635 --> 00:43:20,741 - [Ann] Who is that Eleanor? 731 00:43:20,741 --> 00:43:23,574 (Eleanor babbles) 732 00:43:25,417 --> 00:43:28,640 - There was a lot of room for me out here, 733 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,650 especially if I'm on solo tours 734 00:43:30,650 --> 00:43:32,490 and I'm staying in hotels. 735 00:43:32,490 --> 00:43:34,130 You know, after the show is over, 736 00:43:34,130 --> 00:43:36,250 after I've done my job for the day, 737 00:43:36,250 --> 00:43:38,950 there's five or six hours that I just have 738 00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:42,290 completely to myself, and so that was a factor. 739 00:43:42,290 --> 00:43:44,740 Like I would just go back to the hotel 740 00:43:44,740 --> 00:43:46,990 with a bottle of booze and a six pack of beer 741 00:43:46,990 --> 00:43:51,223 and kind of say good night while I was still 742 00:43:51,223 --> 00:43:53,350 a little bit reasonable. 743 00:43:53,350 --> 00:43:55,173 No one even knew about it. 744 00:43:56,521 --> 00:43:59,480 (soft acoustic music) 745 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:04,371 ♪ When I woke up the next morning ♪ 746 00:44:04,371 --> 00:44:09,371 ♪ You looked right through me ♪ 747 00:44:10,390 --> 00:44:15,390 ♪ Through your eyes, cryin' I could finally see ♪ 748 00:44:18,250 --> 00:44:19,910 I would just keep on and keep on 749 00:44:19,910 --> 00:44:23,320 until I just was passed out and throwing up. 750 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,330 There was no voice in my head that said 751 00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,260 it's time to stop tonight. 752 00:44:27,260 --> 00:44:30,970 I had really crossed a line that made Ann 753 00:44:30,970 --> 00:44:32,380 feel pretty unsafe. 754 00:44:32,380 --> 00:44:37,160 She was scared for my safety and my life, 755 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:42,050 so she got really upset and asked that I stop drinking 756 00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:48,183 for a time or whatever. 757 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:50,790 And I was getting ready to leave on tour 758 00:44:50,790 --> 00:44:53,283 and I remember it being really hard. 759 00:44:57,580 --> 00:45:00,003 And I did call her and say, 760 00:45:01,087 --> 00:45:04,280 "May I please just have one drink?" 761 00:45:06,331 --> 00:45:11,048 ♪ When I called you from Atlanta ♪ 762 00:45:11,048 --> 00:45:16,048 ♪ You refused to speak ♪ 763 00:45:16,910 --> 00:45:21,035 ♪ Not three days sober ♪ 764 00:45:21,035 --> 00:45:26,035 ♪ Beggin' for a drink ♪ 765 00:45:26,286 --> 00:45:31,286 ♪ I said please baby, please baby, please ♪ 766 00:45:31,564 --> 00:45:36,564 ♪ I said please baby, please ♪ 767 00:45:36,905 --> 00:45:41,905 ♪ I said please baby, please baby, please ♪ 768 00:45:42,104 --> 00:45:47,104 ♪ I said please baby, please ♪ 769 00:45:50,105 --> 00:45:55,105 ♪ Those two pairs of big, blue eyes ♪ 770 00:45:55,745 --> 00:46:00,745 ♪ Stare me down, watch me fall ♪ 771 00:46:01,652 --> 00:46:06,034 ♪ What makes a man realize ♪ 772 00:46:06,034 --> 00:46:10,201 ♪ That he is about to lose it all ♪ 773 00:46:16,617 --> 00:46:20,700 Once I was able to kind of make some peace with 774 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,650 leaving Christianity and just being myself 775 00:46:24,650 --> 00:46:26,163 and owning my own thoughts, 776 00:46:28,030 --> 00:46:30,483 the really intense, 777 00:46:31,410 --> 00:46:36,410 sort of seed of that compulsion to get blacked out 778 00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:41,300 just kind of went away and then I was just 779 00:46:41,300 --> 00:46:44,290 a guy with a drinking problem. 780 00:46:44,290 --> 00:46:48,123 But it wasn't this hopeless spiral that it had been. 781 00:46:49,236 --> 00:46:51,620 And that's taken a lot of years to sort of 782 00:46:53,670 --> 00:46:56,080 negotiate with, that, you know, maybe somebody else 783 00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:57,670 would've just stopped drinking all together. 784 00:46:57,670 --> 00:47:02,360 I did not do that, but yeah, it's not a problem anymore. 785 00:47:12,932 --> 00:47:15,349 (soft music) 786 00:47:59,450 --> 00:48:02,330 - [Debbie] Who should decide what the state flag is, 787 00:48:02,330 --> 00:48:03,860 or is not. 788 00:48:03,860 --> 00:48:07,620 Debbie Elliott, NPR News, Jackson, Mississippi. 789 00:48:07,620 --> 00:48:08,720 - [Woman] One of the groups that helped push 790 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:12,510 Trump over the top in Indiana was white evangelicals. 791 00:48:12,510 --> 00:48:14,710 The question is, now that Kasich and Cruz 792 00:48:14,710 --> 00:48:17,700 are out of the race, will Republican evangelical voters 793 00:48:17,700 --> 00:48:20,723 coalesce around Trump in the general election? 794 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:23,707 - Hi. - Hi again. 795 00:48:23,707 --> 00:48:25,012 - Thanks for having me back. - Yeah. 796 00:48:25,012 --> 00:48:26,916 Thanks for comin' back. 797 00:48:26,916 --> 00:48:31,916 ♪ All the fallen leaves should curse their branches ♪ 798 00:48:36,316 --> 00:48:41,316 ♪ For not letting them decide where they should fall ♪ 799 00:48:47,088 --> 00:48:52,088 ♪ And not letting them refuse to fall at all ♪ 800 00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:01,616 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 801 00:49:01,616 --> 00:49:04,284 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 802 00:49:04,284 --> 00:49:06,367 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 803 00:49:11,910 --> 00:49:15,620 (audience applause) (cheering) 804 00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:16,929 - [David] Hi, hi, hi. 805 00:49:16,929 --> 00:49:18,647 You guys wanna talk about anything? 806 00:49:18,647 --> 00:49:19,480 - I have a question. - Yeah? 807 00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,160 - [Woman] Do you realize the amount of people 808 00:49:23,382 --> 00:49:26,192 that are recovering evangelicals? 809 00:49:26,192 --> 00:49:28,187 How do you feel about that, that kind of follow you? 810 00:49:28,187 --> 00:49:30,080 - And the answer to that question could be kind 811 00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,800 of loaded, like yeah, everybody needs to 812 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,400 stop being Christian or whatever, but, 813 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,150 I certainly don't feel that way. 814 00:49:35,150 --> 00:49:38,100 So people who are allowed to sort of land 815 00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:40,510 where their brains really are in their life 816 00:49:40,510 --> 00:49:42,720 and in their kind of view of the world, 817 00:49:42,720 --> 00:49:43,660 it just makes me happy. 818 00:49:43,660 --> 00:49:46,840 I feel like history, as it's unfolding everyday, 819 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:49,200 it's forcing a lot of people to really 820 00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:52,357 pay closer attention to what's going on in the world. 821 00:49:52,357 --> 00:49:54,370 And how their faith relates to that 822 00:49:54,370 --> 00:49:56,170 and how their faith relates or doesn't relate 823 00:49:56,170 --> 00:49:58,350 to the teachings of the thing that they 824 00:49:58,350 --> 00:50:01,633 ostensibly ave faith in. (soft music) 825 00:50:05,300 --> 00:50:08,300 I didn't want to write "Curse Your Branches" like it was 826 00:50:08,300 --> 00:50:11,020 but what came out was all these tunes about 827 00:50:11,020 --> 00:50:12,820 can the pot say to the potter, 828 00:50:12,820 --> 00:50:14,561 why have you made me this way? 829 00:50:14,561 --> 00:50:16,820 And it wasn't until people started talking to me 830 00:50:16,820 --> 00:50:18,750 about how they understood the record 831 00:50:18,750 --> 00:50:20,710 that I realized what was really there. 832 00:50:20,710 --> 00:50:21,970 You know, there were a lot more people 833 00:50:21,970 --> 00:50:24,760 in that gray area than I thought were there. 834 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:29,083 It was one of the 10 best records in Christianity Today, 835 00:50:29,083 --> 00:50:32,410 and I just, it blew my mind. 836 00:50:32,410 --> 00:50:35,880 - Now I'm in my mid-30s and I know that there 837 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:39,710 is a large generation for which you spoke to that kind of 838 00:50:39,710 --> 00:50:44,710 spiritual space that was hard for many of us to express 839 00:50:45,750 --> 00:50:48,350 really clearly and succinctly. 840 00:50:48,350 --> 00:50:52,590 So I'm curious how you recognize your place, kind of, 841 00:50:52,590 --> 00:50:55,727 in that space in this big transition that many 842 00:50:55,727 --> 00:50:58,377 of us are going through. 843 00:50:58,377 --> 00:51:00,700 And we find you on tour yet again. 844 00:51:00,700 --> 00:51:03,480 - I sing these songs in people's houses 845 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,350 and at rock clubs and things and 846 00:51:06,740 --> 00:51:10,140 officially that's what I have to offer, 847 00:51:10,140 --> 00:51:13,420 and Twitter rants, you know. (audience laughs) 848 00:51:13,420 --> 00:51:14,330 Here's what I would say to that, 849 00:51:14,330 --> 00:51:16,840 I feel like the little things that we do 850 00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,210 that we don't think matter, I think the evidence is 851 00:51:19,210 --> 00:51:21,740 all around us, that especially when we kind of 852 00:51:21,740 --> 00:51:25,680 fudge those things, it matters, you guys. 853 00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,130 How do collapses like the one 854 00:51:27,130 --> 00:51:30,170 we're experiencing now of judgment, happen? 855 00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:33,203 It's those lapses in the little things. 856 00:51:34,134 --> 00:51:35,180 You pee on the seat and you don't 857 00:51:35,180 --> 00:51:39,250 wipe it up in a public space? (audience laughs) 858 00:51:39,250 --> 00:51:42,247 The aggregate is computing, you know what I'm sayin'? 859 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,620 Everybody's still suffering. 860 00:51:45,620 --> 00:51:46,580 Why so much suffering? 861 00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:47,413 It's unnecessary. 862 00:51:47,413 --> 00:51:49,690 We have the resources to not suffer 863 00:51:49,690 --> 00:51:52,491 if we just wipe the seat. 864 00:51:52,491 --> 00:51:54,908 (soft music) 865 00:51:56,357 --> 00:52:00,115 (people chattering) 866 00:52:00,115 --> 00:52:03,450 - I went from a solidly Pat Robertson Christian 867 00:52:03,450 --> 00:52:06,920 to a liberal, 'cause I'm gay, I came out 10 years ago. 868 00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,190 To an agnostic, to a full on atheist humanist. 869 00:52:10,190 --> 00:52:12,433 So, it's been a long journey. 870 00:52:13,500 --> 00:52:14,333 - You're welcome. 871 00:52:14,333 --> 00:52:15,403 - I miss church. - Yeah. 872 00:52:16,380 --> 00:52:19,540 - But I won't go back to a church that tells me 873 00:52:19,540 --> 00:52:20,860 that I have to believe in something 874 00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:25,520 that's beyond nature or that is condemning of things 875 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,690 that I know aren't bad. - Right, are not bad, yeah. 876 00:52:28,690 --> 00:52:30,110 - It was a spiritual nourishment, 877 00:52:30,110 --> 00:52:32,180 and if I had this every week, 878 00:52:32,180 --> 00:52:33,380 not necessarily from you. - Yeah, right. 879 00:52:33,380 --> 00:52:34,703 From various places. - But just in general, 880 00:52:35,740 --> 00:52:39,604 I would be a more invigorated human being. 881 00:52:39,604 --> 00:52:42,220 - So then that's how you reconcile, like, 882 00:52:42,220 --> 00:52:44,250 what you're doing with what you're doing, 883 00:52:44,250 --> 00:52:46,950 is by touching people and talking like this. 884 00:52:46,950 --> 00:52:48,000 - [David] Yeah, yeah. 885 00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:51,100 - [Man] Yeah, I'll be a more active human being 886 00:52:51,100 --> 00:52:52,936 because of what I experienced tonight. 887 00:52:52,936 --> 00:52:53,769 - That's all I wanted. 888 00:52:53,769 --> 00:52:55,640 Hey. - Hey, thank you, thank you. 889 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,144 - Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. 890 00:52:57,144 --> 00:52:59,240 - Yeah, thank you for coming, cheers. 891 00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:00,730 - Come back sometime. - All right. 892 00:53:00,730 --> 00:53:02,320 - You're doing good work. - Thank you so much. 893 00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:03,270 - [Man] I'm sure you know. 894 00:53:03,270 --> 00:53:04,413 I hope you know. 895 00:53:06,828 --> 00:53:10,078 (soft, tinkling music) 896 00:53:15,748 --> 00:53:16,898 - [Nils] No, not exactly. 897 00:53:16,898 --> 00:53:20,748 No, not exactly. (David chuckles) 898 00:53:20,748 --> 00:53:21,595 - [Ann] What is it then? 899 00:53:21,595 --> 00:53:24,770 - Almost exactly. - Measure it. 900 00:53:24,770 --> 00:53:26,500 - Sometimes there's music in the world, 901 00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:28,060 there's a lot of music that when you hear it, 902 00:53:28,060 --> 00:53:30,380 it's possible to think that everything 903 00:53:30,380 --> 00:53:33,850 is okay with the world and I don't want my 904 00:53:33,850 --> 00:53:35,540 music to be like that. 905 00:53:35,540 --> 00:53:37,290 I feel like when you hear my music, 906 00:53:38,672 --> 00:53:40,840 even if you really enjoy it and are sort of like 907 00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:44,260 lifted up by it, that there should be some sense of like, 908 00:53:44,260 --> 00:53:46,510 there's a wrinkle in there that means, like, 909 00:53:46,510 --> 00:53:48,260 it's the Men in Black, or whatever. 910 00:53:49,450 --> 00:53:51,650 Until everything is okay with the world, 911 00:53:51,650 --> 00:53:54,330 there's always gonna be that wrinkle in there 912 00:53:54,330 --> 00:53:58,300 that it's just not, it's not okay to give the impression 913 00:53:58,300 --> 00:54:00,463 that everything is fine, like half mast. 914 00:54:02,357 --> 00:54:05,607 (soft, tinkling music) 915 00:54:08,140 --> 00:54:10,970 The values that I think are what 916 00:54:10,970 --> 00:54:14,490 makes Christianity worth while are missing 917 00:54:14,490 --> 00:54:16,950 from the politics, it's just not there. 918 00:54:16,950 --> 00:54:20,570 And that's compassion and care for poor 919 00:54:20,570 --> 00:54:22,540 and people who can't care for themselves. 920 00:54:22,540 --> 00:54:25,650 All of the minor Prophet books and the Old Testament 921 00:54:25,650 --> 00:54:28,850 are about God getting mad at Israel because 922 00:54:28,850 --> 00:54:30,380 they have forgotten their obligation 923 00:54:30,380 --> 00:54:32,163 to the poor and to justice. 924 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,900 They're theoretically connected to this 925 00:54:35,900 --> 00:54:38,800 source of power and wisdom and love that 926 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,400 would be able to help them come out on 927 00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:43,740 the right side of a lot of this stuff. 928 00:54:43,740 --> 00:54:47,760 On Jesus side of a lot of this stuff. 929 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:51,201 But it's not working, so. 930 00:54:51,201 --> 00:54:53,890 And it's there, right there, for people to see 931 00:54:53,890 --> 00:54:57,136 if preachers were to preach that. 932 00:54:57,136 --> 00:55:00,575 ♪ Surprise, they took your money ♪ 933 00:55:00,575 --> 00:55:03,107 ♪ They ate your kids ♪ 934 00:55:03,107 --> 00:55:08,107 ♪ And they had their way with your wife a little bit ♪ 935 00:55:09,103 --> 00:55:11,749 ♪ While you wept on the porch ♪ 936 00:55:11,749 --> 00:55:14,987 ♪ With your head in your hands ♪ 937 00:55:14,987 --> 00:55:18,637 ♪ Cursin' taxes ♪ 938 00:55:18,637 --> 00:55:20,771 ♪ And the immigrants ♪ 939 00:55:20,771 --> 00:55:25,771 ♪ 'Cause you're a goddamned fool ♪ 940 00:55:26,212 --> 00:55:31,212 ♪ You're a goddamned fool ♪ 941 00:55:32,628 --> 00:55:37,628 ♪ You're a goddamned fool ♪ 942 00:55:38,812 --> 00:55:41,562 ♪ And I love you ♪ 943 00:55:42,956 --> 00:55:47,956 ♪ Of course I do ♪ (soft acoustic music) 944 00:55:56,172 --> 00:56:01,057 ♪ I love you ♪ 945 00:56:01,057 --> 00:56:03,974 ♪ Yeah, I love you ♪ 946 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:09,220 - [Woman] It was an election for the ages. 947 00:56:09,220 --> 00:56:11,720 Donald Trump broke all the old rules 948 00:56:11,720 --> 00:56:13,960 of presidential politics and made an almost 949 00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:15,990 clean sweep of the American rust belt. 950 00:56:15,990 --> 00:56:17,500 A lot of different kinds of people 951 00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,160 helped elect Donald Trump. 952 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,080 White working class voters, yes, 953 00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,760 but also some Hispanics, white women, 954 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,150 and an overwhelming number of 955 00:56:25,150 --> 00:56:27,080 white Evangelical Christians. 956 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,740 About 80% of white evangelicals voted 957 00:56:29,740 --> 00:56:32,830 for President Donald Trump, despite Trump's three marriages, 958 00:56:32,830 --> 00:56:34,490 his anti-immigrant rhetoric, 959 00:56:34,490 --> 00:56:36,560 and accusations of sexual harassment 960 00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,430 and assault from multiple women. 961 00:56:38,430 --> 00:56:41,320 The continued alignment of many leading evangelicals 962 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,680 with Trump has caused some to question 963 00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:45,973 whether their movement has lost its way. 964 00:56:50,250 --> 00:56:51,620 - If there's any question that we've been 965 00:56:51,620 --> 00:56:54,260 doing Christianity fundamentally wrong 966 00:56:54,260 --> 00:56:56,920 in the United States for our entire history, 967 00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:58,630 I don't think that there, if there ever was, 968 00:56:58,630 --> 00:56:59,750 there just can't be none. 969 00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:04,190 In the face of this cry from the black population 970 00:57:04,190 --> 00:57:07,860 that again, you guys, it isn't fixed yet. 971 00:57:07,860 --> 00:57:10,983 And the response from Christianity is Donald Trump? 972 00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:17,040 It's, it's pure sadness. (tense, dramatic music) 973 00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:24,060 Until the election, I was under the impression 974 00:57:24,060 --> 00:57:27,939 that the white American church was not a lost cause. 975 00:57:27,939 --> 00:57:31,320 I thought I saw it maturing and evolving 976 00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,303 and even if I couldn't participate as a believer, 977 00:57:35,332 --> 00:57:38,910 I wanted to be a helper in that process if I could. 978 00:57:38,910 --> 00:57:42,820 But the fruit that showed up on the tree was, 979 00:57:42,820 --> 00:57:45,760 for me, very much the cut the damn thing down 980 00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:48,090 and throw it in the fire kind of fruit. 981 00:57:48,090 --> 00:57:52,193 It's not a pruning issue, it's just the wrong seeds. 982 00:57:54,690 --> 00:57:56,910 I've heard so many people say that no matter what happens, 983 00:57:56,910 --> 00:57:58,150 I'm not changing my mind. 984 00:57:58,150 --> 00:58:00,363 It's all worth that Supreme Court seat. 985 00:58:01,350 --> 00:58:04,890 It represents only abortion to them and 986 00:58:04,890 --> 00:58:08,450 if somebody believes the ends that they're going for 987 00:58:08,450 --> 00:58:12,400 justify the means that they're using to get there, 988 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:14,380 that is idolatry. 989 00:58:14,380 --> 00:58:17,530 I mean, most of Christianity is apparently 990 00:58:17,530 --> 00:58:19,123 cool with that way of thinking. 991 00:58:23,170 --> 00:58:25,570 For everything Christians claim to believe, 992 00:58:25,570 --> 00:58:29,760 the election, I think, laid bare what they actually believe. 993 00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:33,210 They reliably work against the best virtues 994 00:58:33,210 --> 00:58:34,930 of their traditions. 995 00:58:34,930 --> 00:58:37,860 The people that taught me how to be a decent person are 996 00:58:37,860 --> 00:58:38,933 losing their minds. 997 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:43,320 That's where I came from, and so it just 998 00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,693 hit like another deconversion experience. 999 00:58:48,410 --> 00:58:51,303 I don't totally know how to proceed still. 1000 00:58:53,255 --> 00:58:56,588 (tense, dramatic music) 1001 00:58:59,178 --> 00:59:03,555 ♪ We turn to go ♪ 1002 00:59:03,555 --> 00:59:07,970 ♪ The angel shone ♪ 1003 00:59:07,970 --> 00:59:12,970 ♪ Said don't go back to Harod's throne ♪ 1004 00:59:16,298 --> 00:59:21,298 ♪ Take the long way ♪ 1005 00:59:21,660 --> 00:59:24,493 ♪ Around the sea ♪ 1006 00:59:34,317 --> 00:59:39,317 ♪ Take the long way ♪ 1007 00:59:39,647 --> 00:59:42,397 ♪ Around the sea ♪ 1008 00:59:52,283 --> 00:59:57,283 ♪ Take the long way ♪ 1009 00:59:57,617 --> 01:00:00,367 ♪ Around the sea ♪ 1010 01:00:18,693 --> 01:00:21,276 (cars passing) 1011 01:00:23,430 --> 01:00:25,326 - Isn't it pretty? - I like that. 1012 01:00:25,326 --> 01:00:28,890 It is just-- - I wanna get it framed. 1013 01:00:28,890 --> 01:00:31,856 - Well it's weird to figure out, like, what it is. 1014 01:00:31,856 --> 01:00:35,010 - [Woman] Mhm. 1015 01:00:35,010 --> 01:00:37,359 It's cool. - [David] It's really neat. 1016 01:00:37,359 --> 01:00:38,763 Beautiful brain that guy has. 1017 01:00:43,592 --> 01:00:46,592 (people chattering) 1018 01:00:56,994 --> 01:00:59,411 (soft music) 1019 01:01:00,650 --> 01:01:01,780 - [Jonah] So you have a new record. 1020 01:01:01,780 --> 01:01:02,643 - I do. - I guess, do you feel 1021 01:01:02,643 --> 01:01:05,106 like you get something out of making yourself vulnerable? 1022 01:01:05,106 --> 01:01:07,117 'Cause it seems like that's the direction you're moving. 1023 01:01:07,117 --> 01:01:08,440 It's like, from a band and now it's just 1024 01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:09,650 you standing there, and now it's just you 1025 01:01:09,650 --> 01:01:11,800 sing songs about your family by yourself. 1026 01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,560 - Yeah, I think so, I mean I think slowly I've been, 1027 01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,350 I've been looking for that because 1028 01:01:17,350 --> 01:01:19,040 there's a lot of emotional pain. 1029 01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,020 I wrote about it on the whole record. 1030 01:01:21,020 --> 01:01:24,890 So much of the drag in my life that has hurt 1031 01:01:24,890 --> 01:01:27,730 my relationship with my wife or just affects 1032 01:01:27,730 --> 01:01:31,233 on my career and my family, and you know, myself. 1033 01:01:35,170 --> 01:01:36,843 That I don't, sorry... 1034 01:01:40,495 --> 01:01:42,912 (soft music) 1035 01:01:45,811 --> 01:01:49,647 ♪ Somewhere else ♪ 1036 01:01:49,647 --> 01:01:54,647 ♪ I have kids who love to splash in the waves ♪ 1037 01:02:01,537 --> 01:02:06,537 ♪ Who take the boardwalk by storm ♪ 1038 01:02:09,123 --> 01:02:14,123 ♪ And eat pizza all day ♪ 1039 01:02:16,867 --> 01:02:20,367 ♪ And digging in the sand ♪ 1040 01:02:28,175 --> 01:02:33,175 ♪ Shooting with straws ♪ 1041 01:02:33,978 --> 01:02:36,895 ♪ And rubber bands ♪ 1042 01:02:46,423 --> 01:02:50,090 ♪ I'm wishing you were here ♪ 1043 01:02:57,727 --> 01:03:00,994 (audience applause) Well thank you so much. 1044 01:03:00,994 --> 01:03:02,137 What's that? - How are the kids? 1045 01:03:02,137 --> 01:03:03,540 - The kids are doing great. 1046 01:03:03,540 --> 01:03:06,137 Seven year old decided that last week 1047 01:03:06,137 --> 01:03:08,071 he'd ride a two wheeler by himself 1048 01:03:08,071 --> 01:03:11,277 without training wheels. (audience cheers) 1049 01:03:11,277 --> 01:03:13,320 We waited a long time for that. 1050 01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:15,075 - [Woman] Were you there for that? 1051 01:03:15,075 --> 01:03:16,653 - Nope. (audience laughs) 1052 01:03:16,653 --> 01:03:19,900 It's okay, here's my theory on that: 1053 01:03:21,064 --> 01:03:22,997 I just want it to happen. 1054 01:03:22,997 --> 01:03:26,260 I don't have to be there for it, 1055 01:03:26,260 --> 01:03:29,157 although it's important that he knows how excited I am, 1056 01:03:29,157 --> 01:03:30,263 and I think he does. 1057 01:03:32,104 --> 01:03:33,258 (soft music) 1058 01:03:33,258 --> 01:03:34,480 - [Ann] Yeah it's feeling, um, 1059 01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:37,130 this one's feeling long to me. 1060 01:03:37,130 --> 01:03:37,963 - [David] Yeah. 1061 01:03:38,918 --> 01:03:43,344 - Like kind of, I don't know if it's just 'cause, 1062 01:03:43,344 --> 01:03:45,670 I don't know if we're just tired. 1063 01:03:45,670 --> 01:03:48,780 We're gonna go up to Art Darlington art show today. 1064 01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:51,470 Gloria's got stuff on display. 1065 01:03:51,470 --> 01:03:53,997 - Oh yeah, she's really good at that stuff. 1066 01:03:53,997 --> 01:03:57,247 - [Ann] Well I'm gonna take them first. 1067 01:03:58,310 --> 01:03:59,590 - All right. 1068 01:03:59,590 --> 01:04:01,450 - [Woman] Talk to you later. 1069 01:04:01,450 --> 01:04:03,867 - I love you. - Love you, bye. 1070 01:04:04,884 --> 01:04:07,301 (soft music) 1071 01:04:18,684 --> 01:04:21,486 (child chattering) 1072 01:04:21,486 --> 01:04:23,593 All right, shug, let's see you start here. 1073 01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:29,913 Yes. (soft music) 1074 01:04:37,266 --> 01:04:42,266 Hurray. (soft music) 1075 01:04:50,500 --> 01:04:51,350 How do you start? 1076 01:04:54,290 --> 01:04:55,123 Two hands. 1077 01:04:56,662 --> 01:04:58,222 There you go. 1078 01:04:58,222 --> 01:04:59,072 How do you start? 1079 01:05:02,290 --> 01:05:03,850 Leg over, uh huh. 1080 01:05:08,182 --> 01:05:11,265 Uh huh. (soft music) 1081 01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:17,187 Now take off. 1082 01:05:21,790 --> 01:05:23,510 Okay, stay to the right. 1083 01:05:23,510 --> 01:05:25,817 Stay to the right, you got it. 1084 01:05:27,130 --> 01:05:29,547 (soft music) 1085 01:05:49,670 --> 01:05:54,560 - The sands are just racing through the hourglass. 1086 01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:58,180 Eleanor, she lives in our house for 18 years, 1087 01:05:58,180 --> 01:06:00,600 like she's two thirds of the way there. 1088 01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:04,810 And I've been gone for half of it, and it's not okay. 1089 01:06:04,810 --> 01:06:06,760 It's not getting easier. 1090 01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:07,963 It's getting worse. 1091 01:06:11,150 --> 01:06:12,800 The cracks are showing all over. 1092 01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:15,773 I have to rework this whole thing. 1093 01:06:17,430 --> 01:06:19,640 And I'm looking at all this time that I've put into 1094 01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:21,580 these musical relationships that I've had 1095 01:06:21,580 --> 01:06:23,110 with people that just haven't worked out 1096 01:06:23,110 --> 01:06:25,280 for one reason or another. 1097 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,610 And honestly, with all the good and all the 1098 01:06:27,610 --> 01:06:32,040 fun and joy that I experienced with that stuff, 1099 01:06:32,040 --> 01:06:35,600 it feels like I'm trading that fun and that joy 1100 01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:38,103 and whatever benefit that was for 1101 01:06:38,103 --> 01:06:40,200 the fun and joy that I could have been having with my family 1102 01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,430 because if I just had never invested in that, 1103 01:06:42,430 --> 01:06:45,213 I would be only out 75 days of the year. 1104 01:06:46,250 --> 01:06:48,100 I would've been able to work with Nils on his 1105 01:06:48,100 --> 01:06:50,490 batting the first year that he was in little league 1106 01:06:50,490 --> 01:06:51,710 where he didn't get a hit. 1107 01:06:51,710 --> 01:06:54,160 I could've helped more, but I couldn't 'cause I was gone. 1108 01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:57,290 I didn't realize I was trading that for 1109 01:06:57,290 --> 01:07:00,560 driving my daughter to swim every morning like I have 1110 01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:02,720 in certain summers where we just have 1111 01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:04,500 this really sweet time. 1112 01:07:04,500 --> 01:07:07,570 And her getting to kind of be herself. 1113 01:07:07,570 --> 01:07:10,360 You know, I'm out here on I-95 again 1114 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:11,473 instead of doing that. 1115 01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:16,283 I like it out here, but not that much. 1116 01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:20,784 (soft, melancholy music) 1117 01:07:25,210 --> 01:07:28,340 My wife and I are growing old and we're 1118 01:07:28,340 --> 01:07:30,823 only growing old together half way. 1119 01:07:32,150 --> 01:07:33,883 That doesn't feel very good to me. 1120 01:07:41,090 --> 01:07:46,090 I wasn't all wrong, but there was a miscalculation. 1121 01:07:49,488 --> 01:07:54,488 Yeah. (soft, melancholy music) 1122 01:08:26,954 --> 01:08:31,954 (rain pattering) (soft, melancholy music) 1123 01:08:52,576 --> 01:08:54,743 (humming) 1124 01:09:08,295 --> 01:09:13,295 ♪ A sinking feeling has been lurking at your door ♪ 1125 01:09:21,236 --> 01:09:26,236 ♪ That it is real, you can't deny ♪ 1126 01:09:28,803 --> 01:09:31,636 ♪ You must ignore ♪ 1127 01:09:32,533 --> 01:09:34,700 (humming) 1128 01:09:39,238 --> 01:09:40,071 You go to bed then. 1129 01:09:40,071 --> 01:09:42,220 You got you jim-jams on? What'd you guys do today? 1130 01:09:43,460 --> 01:09:45,643 So did you do chapter three yet? 1131 01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:49,210 Well, I gotta finish packing up. 1132 01:09:49,210 --> 01:09:50,800 Love you too, kiddo. 1133 01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:51,633 Mwah. 1134 01:09:55,106 --> 01:09:59,901 ♪ Sing like the angel ♪ 1135 01:09:59,901 --> 01:10:04,901 ♪ That you know you'll never be ♪ 1136 01:10:07,134 --> 01:10:11,217 ♪ And try to pin the blame on me ♪ 1137 01:10:12,530 --> 01:10:14,233 Everybody have a good time? 1138 01:10:16,310 --> 01:10:17,603 Wish I was there. 1139 01:10:18,620 --> 01:10:20,530 It's scary to me because I don't even feel like 1140 01:10:20,530 --> 01:10:22,590 I can take full responsibility in what happens 1141 01:10:22,590 --> 01:10:24,430 at the show because there's just aspects 1142 01:10:24,430 --> 01:10:26,850 of my emotion that I can't modulate. 1143 01:10:26,850 --> 01:10:30,550 I can't come back from the verge of tears feeling. 1144 01:10:30,550 --> 01:10:33,053 I don't know that I've ever felt lower in my life. 1145 01:10:35,566 --> 01:10:40,566 ♪ The heart that beats inside your chest ♪ 1146 01:10:43,115 --> 01:10:48,115 ♪ The awful need ♪ 1147 01:10:48,567 --> 01:10:53,567 ♪ It burns with holy fire ♪ 1148 01:10:55,114 --> 01:11:00,114 ♪ Righteousness and greed ♪ 1149 01:11:03,355 --> 01:11:07,951 ♪ Sing like the angel ♪ 1150 01:11:07,951 --> 01:11:12,951 ♪ That you know you'll never be ♪ 1151 01:11:15,027 --> 01:11:20,027 ♪ And try to pin the blame on me ♪ 1152 01:11:22,596 --> 01:11:26,699 ♪ Like the angel ♪ 1153 01:11:26,699 --> 01:11:31,699 ♪ That you know you'll never be ♪ 1154 01:11:34,303 --> 01:11:39,303 ♪ But you still try and pin the blame ♪ 1155 01:11:41,187 --> 01:11:43,187 ♪ On me ♪ 1156 01:11:44,909 --> 01:11:47,076 (humming) 1157 01:11:56,615 --> 01:12:01,615 (people cheering) (clapping) 1158 01:12:03,853 --> 01:12:06,853 (people chattering) 1159 01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:15,343 Watch the batter, bud. 1160 01:12:16,703 --> 01:12:17,536 Oh. 1161 01:12:17,536 --> 01:12:19,000 - [Eleanor] Hey dad, do you have money? 1162 01:12:19,000 --> 01:12:20,450 I'm gonna go get mom and pretzel and just 1163 01:12:20,450 --> 01:12:23,053 have a few bites of it 'cause I'm hungry. 1164 01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:27,269 - [David] You want a couple of corn nuts? Are you doing all right? - Not right now. 1165 01:12:27,269 --> 01:12:29,167 - All right, good. - I have gum. 1166 01:12:29,167 --> 01:12:30,817 - [David] Great, good to hear it. 1167 01:12:31,925 --> 01:12:33,792 Get back over to your spot. 1168 01:12:33,792 --> 01:12:36,070 - [Child] Let me hear your music voice. 1169 01:12:36,070 --> 01:12:39,112 - [David] Okay, I'll play it right now. 1170 01:12:39,112 --> 01:12:41,523 - [Child] Okay. - [David] On your mark, get set. 1171 01:12:42,822 --> 01:12:44,380 (child laughs) Do you hear it? 1172 01:12:44,380 --> 01:12:47,270 - No. - Oh man, it's so good. 1173 01:12:47,270 --> 01:12:49,680 (children laughing) 1174 01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:52,140 Hey, sit down you guys. 1175 01:12:52,140 --> 01:12:53,690 That was my fault coach, sorry. 1176 01:12:56,990 --> 01:12:59,990 (people chattering) 1177 01:13:01,272 --> 01:13:04,060 Almost. (clapping) 1178 01:13:04,060 --> 01:13:06,460 Oh man. - Good try, Nils. - I love that guy. 1179 01:13:06,460 --> 01:13:09,010 He's always the last out when the bases are loaded. 1180 01:13:10,040 --> 01:13:10,873 Poor guy. 1181 01:13:12,802 --> 01:13:15,802 (people chattering) 1182 01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:19,631 (water spraying) 1183 01:13:32,891 --> 01:13:35,296 (leaves rustling) 1184 01:13:35,296 --> 01:13:37,546 (laughing) 1185 01:13:40,963 --> 01:13:41,796 You ready? 1186 01:13:43,202 --> 01:13:46,785 (soft, upbeat piano music) 1187 01:13:54,107 --> 01:13:56,857 (birds chirping) 1188 01:14:04,699 --> 01:14:08,282 (Ann and David chattering) 1189 01:14:10,906 --> 01:14:13,656 (birds chirping) 1190 01:14:18,186 --> 01:14:20,603 (soft music) 1191 01:14:23,055 --> 01:14:25,000 - [Ann] Go ahead and go. 1192 01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:27,670 - When I stopped drinking, I started to be 1193 01:14:27,670 --> 01:14:31,573 able to see myself more clearly and the things around me. 1194 01:14:32,610 --> 01:14:37,050 Right away, I was aware of a very overwhelming loneliness 1195 01:14:37,050 --> 01:14:42,050 and I realized that my native spot as a human 1196 01:14:42,420 --> 01:14:45,760 was behind the wheel of a car, on an interstate, 1197 01:14:45,760 --> 01:14:48,390 somewhere in the United States, alone. 1198 01:14:48,390 --> 01:14:51,610 If you just picked any moment in my life at random, 1199 01:14:51,610 --> 01:14:54,108 the odds were that that was what I was going to be doing. 1200 01:14:54,108 --> 01:14:56,491 ♪ I climb the rock ♪ 1201 01:14:56,491 --> 01:15:00,139 ♪ Still make my home ♪ 1202 01:15:00,139 --> 01:15:02,910 That was the basic unit of my career. 1203 01:15:02,910 --> 01:15:06,930 It all reverted back to, I play solo house shows. 1204 01:15:06,930 --> 01:15:11,690 And solo house shows were amazing in the sense that 1205 01:15:11,690 --> 01:15:14,730 I could interact with fans in a totally new way 1206 01:15:14,730 --> 01:15:17,200 and to continue to do this work 1207 01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:19,113 while I've been figuring this out. 1208 01:15:22,337 --> 01:15:24,754 (soft music) 1209 01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:36,140 And so I was looking down the barrel of just 1210 01:15:36,140 --> 01:15:38,690 kind of doing the back half of my life 1211 01:15:38,690 --> 01:15:43,623 as a solo traveler primarily and that killed me. 1212 01:15:45,360 --> 01:15:50,130 Sitting with that just really brought me to my 1213 01:15:50,130 --> 01:15:52,360 lowest place that I had been. 1214 01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:54,060 I hit bottom, basically. 1215 01:15:54,060 --> 01:15:59,060 In 2016, I'm on tour playing these club shows solo. 1216 01:16:01,950 --> 01:16:04,140 It just caused me to start asking myself questions, 1217 01:16:04,140 --> 01:16:05,810 like okay, well then what's it gonna be? 1218 01:16:05,810 --> 01:16:07,420 Like, if you had a million bucks, 1219 01:16:07,420 --> 01:16:08,690 it's kind of like that question. 1220 01:16:08,690 --> 01:16:10,962 Like okay, if you could anything, what would it be? 1221 01:16:10,962 --> 01:16:12,580 And it's like, I wanna be in a band. 1222 01:16:12,580 --> 01:16:15,090 That's what I've always wanted to do. 1223 01:16:15,090 --> 01:16:17,990 I love playing solo but that wasn't what 1224 01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:18,823 I set out to do. 1225 01:16:18,823 --> 01:16:21,570 You know, when I sat and dreamt of what I wanted to do, 1226 01:16:21,570 --> 01:16:24,490 I didn't picture myself alone in a car. 1227 01:16:24,490 --> 01:16:26,900 I didn't picture myself alone on a stage. 1228 01:16:26,900 --> 01:16:30,170 It was drums and it was bass and it was electric guitar 1229 01:16:31,020 --> 01:16:32,460 and that's what I wanted. 1230 01:16:32,460 --> 01:16:34,795 That's what I've always wanted to do. 1231 01:16:34,795 --> 01:16:37,628 (soft rock music) 1232 01:16:43,410 --> 01:16:46,450 I asked myself, what's the way that you have access 1233 01:16:46,450 --> 01:16:49,070 to right now, to do the band thing? 1234 01:16:49,070 --> 01:16:51,270 And I realized when I was a kid how I did it 1235 01:16:51,270 --> 01:16:53,360 was I wrote the drum parts and the guitar parts 1236 01:16:53,360 --> 01:16:55,520 and the bass parts and I wrote the vocals 1237 01:16:55,520 --> 01:16:59,583 and I had people play them. (soft rock music) 1238 01:17:00,874 --> 01:17:04,533 ♪ I saw in your bedroom ♪ 1239 01:17:04,533 --> 01:17:08,843 ♪ The drawers had been emptied ♪ 1240 01:17:08,843 --> 01:17:11,670 I had to return to the process that I knew 1241 01:17:11,670 --> 01:17:14,800 and that I had been personally successful with. 1242 01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:17,910 That's where I had come from and so I thought, okay, 1243 01:17:17,910 --> 01:17:19,360 I gotta find my way back to that. 1244 01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:23,313 And it was a revelation, it was just like riding a bike. 1245 01:17:25,370 --> 01:17:28,000 It felt like home. 1246 01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:30,660 It also felt a lot like Pedro the Lion 1247 01:17:31,495 --> 01:17:34,220 and it occurred to me, oh, this is Pedro. 1248 01:17:34,220 --> 01:17:37,630 And as soon as that clicked, it really felt like home. 1249 01:17:37,630 --> 01:17:41,383 Like a bunch of myself just came right back to me. 1250 01:17:42,515 --> 01:17:44,932 (soft music) 1251 01:17:56,270 --> 01:17:59,410 Everything clicked into place and I had a vision 1252 01:17:59,410 --> 01:18:02,340 for the future of the way that the band sounded 1253 01:18:02,340 --> 01:18:04,950 and for the way that the shows were gonna go. 1254 01:18:04,950 --> 01:18:07,470 I had people around who were willing to do a band 1255 01:18:07,470 --> 01:18:08,560 like that with me. 1256 01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:11,860 Coincidentally, Pedro the Lion, because it was a brand name 1257 01:18:11,860 --> 01:18:14,540 that I had developed for a decade and that people knew, 1258 01:18:14,540 --> 01:18:18,930 would allow me to go out on tour and play fewer shows 1259 01:18:18,930 --> 01:18:20,580 and make a similar living. 1260 01:18:20,580 --> 01:18:24,170 Instead of being six weeks on, six weeks off all year round, 1261 01:18:24,170 --> 01:18:25,940 I could be three weeks on tour 1262 01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:28,930 and 10 weeks home and do that four times in a year. 1263 01:18:28,930 --> 01:18:31,050 That would revolutionize my life 1264 01:18:31,050 --> 01:18:34,760 and my ability to connect with my family. 1265 01:18:34,760 --> 01:18:36,520 - [Man] A little less, check check. 1266 01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:37,353 That's fine. 1267 01:18:37,353 --> 01:18:38,441 - [Woman] Any questions? 1268 01:18:38,441 --> 01:18:40,350 Anyone have any questions? 1269 01:18:40,350 --> 01:18:42,657 Well thank you for being here, enjoy. 1270 01:18:42,657 --> 01:18:45,500 - [Audio Engineer And Man] Five, four, three, 1271 01:18:45,500 --> 01:18:46,333 two, one. 1272 01:18:47,511 --> 01:18:48,580 - [Man] And roll out. 1273 01:18:48,580 --> 01:18:50,420 - It is 90.3 KEXP. 1274 01:18:50,420 --> 01:18:52,640 My name is Troy Nelson and we have some 1275 01:18:52,640 --> 01:18:56,900 Pacific Northwest legends in the KEXP live room right now. 1276 01:18:56,900 --> 01:19:00,260 I am very, very pleased to bring to all of you, 1277 01:19:00,260 --> 01:19:01,400 Pedro the Lion. 1278 01:19:01,400 --> 01:19:03,440 Thank you so much for stopping by and doing this. 1279 01:19:03,440 --> 01:19:04,780 - Yeah, thank you for having us. 1280 01:19:04,780 --> 01:19:05,613 - Absolutely. 1281 01:19:05,613 --> 01:19:07,494 So you have reformed? 1282 01:19:07,494 --> 01:19:08,800 - Yeah. - This is exciting. 1283 01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:09,830 - It's pretty fun. 1284 01:19:09,830 --> 01:19:11,740 - You're playing three nights in Seattle 1285 01:19:11,740 --> 01:19:12,600 at The Tractor. 1286 01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,937 You have a busy 2018 ahead of you, 1287 01:19:14,937 --> 01:19:18,120 and 19, and 20, and beyond, I'm sure. 1288 01:19:18,120 --> 01:19:20,463 - If the universe will, as they say. 1289 01:19:21,510 --> 01:19:23,090 - Well thanks for all the years of great music 1290 01:19:23,090 --> 01:19:24,740 and looking forward to many more. 1291 01:19:26,057 --> 01:19:28,807 (acoustic music) 1292 01:19:29,677 --> 01:19:34,677 ♪ I shut off the radio ♪ 1293 01:19:34,724 --> 01:19:39,724 ♪ To fix my eyes on the road ♪ 1294 01:19:39,851 --> 01:19:44,619 ♪ Pushed past the window glass ♪ 1295 01:19:44,619 --> 01:19:49,597 ♪ And let it flow ♪ 1296 01:19:49,597 --> 01:19:54,597 ♪ How wonderful, how strange ♪ 1297 01:19:54,866 --> 01:19:59,768 ♪ How invisible the change ♪ 1298 01:19:59,768 --> 01:20:04,557 ♪ Everything's staying the same ♪ 1299 01:20:04,557 --> 01:20:08,026 ♪ Except my brain ♪ 1300 01:20:08,026 --> 01:20:11,563 (people chattering) 1301 01:20:11,563 --> 01:20:14,070 ♪ All the way ♪ 1302 01:20:14,070 --> 01:20:16,041 - Yeah, I got it. 1303 01:20:16,041 --> 01:20:18,723 (humming) 1304 01:20:18,723 --> 01:20:20,430 (soft acoustic music) 1305 01:20:20,430 --> 01:20:21,903 This is gonna be fun. 1306 01:20:23,535 --> 01:20:26,535 (people chattering) 1307 01:20:28,615 --> 01:20:29,954 Do you wanna come back? 1308 01:20:29,954 --> 01:20:31,570 - [Ann] No, I think I'll just right here. 1309 01:20:31,570 --> 01:20:32,520 We're just gonna park right here. 1310 01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:33,353 - [David] Sounds good. 1311 01:20:33,353 --> 01:20:34,786 - I love you. - Love you. 1312 01:20:34,786 --> 01:20:37,595 (kissing) 1313 01:20:37,595 --> 01:20:38,873 (people chattering) 1314 01:20:38,873 --> 01:20:43,210 ♪ Postpone the unavoidable ♪ 1315 01:20:43,210 --> 01:20:47,710 ♪ And prolong the pain of being alive ♪ 1316 01:20:51,470 --> 01:20:52,303 Let's go. 1317 01:20:58,750 --> 01:21:03,750 (audience cheering) (clapping) 1318 01:21:13,688 --> 01:21:15,222 Hello everybody. 1319 01:21:15,222 --> 01:21:17,070 (audience cheers) 1320 01:21:17,070 --> 01:21:20,888 Okay, so, we're called Pedro the Lion. 1321 01:21:20,888 --> 01:21:23,090 (audience cheers) 1322 01:21:23,090 --> 01:21:26,967 And this is very nearly the 20th anniversary of a show, 1323 01:21:28,340 --> 01:21:32,010 my very first club show ever in Seattle, 1324 01:21:32,010 --> 01:21:37,010 here at The Tractor, in 1997. (audience cheers) 1325 01:21:40,890 --> 01:21:43,023 Any questions at this point in the show? 1326 01:21:44,620 --> 01:21:45,453 What's that? 1327 01:21:45,453 --> 01:21:46,680 - [Woman] Are you going to do more living room shows? 1328 01:21:46,680 --> 01:21:48,070 - There will be more living room shows, 1329 01:21:48,070 --> 01:21:49,480 but it will be a minute 1330 01:21:50,480 --> 01:21:55,080 because we're trying to do a thing where I make 1331 01:21:56,370 --> 01:22:01,370 a slightly better living and stay home more also. 1332 01:22:01,735 --> 01:22:04,568 (audience cheers) 1333 01:22:06,740 --> 01:22:11,413 No, I only tell jokes from stage when I'm blackout drunk, 1334 01:22:12,680 --> 01:22:16,310 and uh, not tonight. (audience laughs) 1335 01:22:16,310 --> 01:22:19,050 I've done that for years on end and that wasn't 1336 01:22:19,050 --> 01:22:21,060 as cool as this, I don't think. 1337 01:22:21,060 --> 01:22:22,740 - How do you like your band? - For real. 1338 01:22:22,740 --> 01:22:24,388 What's this? - How do you like you band? 1339 01:22:24,388 --> 01:22:25,240 How do you like playing with a band? 1340 01:22:25,240 --> 01:22:28,653 - Well, playing with a band really feeds my soul, man. 1341 01:22:29,790 --> 01:22:32,490 All these shows sold real quick 1342 01:22:32,490 --> 01:22:35,393 and that was really fun for us, 1343 01:22:36,350 --> 01:22:41,350 because we didn't know what was gonna happen. 1344 01:22:42,220 --> 01:22:44,310 And uh, thank you so much. 1345 01:22:44,310 --> 01:22:45,810 I'm really glad to be back playing 1346 01:22:45,810 --> 01:22:48,413 Pedro the Lion songs as Pedro. 1347 01:22:49,310 --> 01:22:52,887 And Sean Lane and Erik Walters, we're all very grateful 1348 01:22:52,887 --> 01:22:57,887 that you came to the show. (audience applause) 1349 01:22:58,934 --> 01:23:01,351 (rock music) 1350 01:23:03,692 --> 01:23:08,692 ♪ All the way to grandma's house ♪ 1351 01:23:08,970 --> 01:23:13,970 ♪ I stayed on the narrow path ♪ 1352 01:23:14,327 --> 01:23:19,327 ♪ But my brother wandered off ♪ 1353 01:23:19,444 --> 01:23:23,490 ♪ Deep into the woods ♪ 1354 01:23:23,490 --> 01:23:28,490 ♪ Bitten twice by rattlesnakes ♪ 1355 01:23:28,512 --> 01:23:33,512 ♪ Tangled up in poison oak ♪ 1356 01:23:33,683 --> 01:23:38,683 ♪ He fell down and broke his legs ♪ 1357 01:23:38,851 --> 01:23:42,942 ♪ Into a great ravine ♪ 1358 01:23:42,942 --> 01:23:47,942 ♪ When I arrived at grandma's house ♪ 1359 01:23:48,154 --> 01:23:53,143 ♪ She had made us tea and cake ♪ 1360 01:23:53,143 --> 01:23:58,143 ♪ She asked me where my brother was ♪ 1361 01:23:58,336 --> 01:24:03,336 ♪ And I said I don't know ♪ 1362 01:24:04,024 --> 01:24:06,191 ♪ And ate ♪ 1363 01:24:07,417 --> 01:24:09,834 (rock music) 1364 01:24:19,147 --> 01:24:21,564 (soft music) 1365 01:24:34,758 --> 01:24:38,541 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1366 01:24:38,541 --> 01:24:41,041 ♪ Cha cha cha ♪ 1367 01:24:41,909 --> 01:24:43,390 (cheering) 1368 01:24:43,390 --> 01:24:45,923 I still find myself reaching out for something. 1369 01:24:48,020 --> 01:24:50,720 It really doesn't feel like my consciousness 1370 01:24:50,720 --> 01:24:52,560 is a closed system. 1371 01:24:52,560 --> 01:24:54,060 Things feel connected somehow. 1372 01:24:56,030 --> 01:25:00,753 And I don't know, I don't know why or how come, 1373 01:25:02,460 --> 01:25:04,350 but I know what it feels like and it doesn't 1374 01:25:04,350 --> 01:25:06,340 feel like a closed system. 1375 01:25:06,340 --> 01:25:07,940 So I don't know what that means. 1376 01:25:09,333 --> 01:25:10,430 At a certain point, I thought, 1377 01:25:10,430 --> 01:25:13,870 what if the divine is just balance and harmony itself? 1378 01:25:13,870 --> 01:25:18,870 That in harmony, that's where you experience transcendence. 1379 01:25:19,130 --> 01:25:21,950 Whatever metaphysical reality is that 1380 01:25:21,950 --> 01:25:24,150 is the thing that's happening all around us. 1381 01:25:25,920 --> 01:25:29,213 Harmony is wanting to be had. 1382 01:25:30,120 --> 01:25:32,460 Ways of interacting with other humans 1383 01:25:32,460 --> 01:25:34,970 just waiting to be unlocked. 1384 01:25:34,970 --> 01:25:38,100 And in a way, crying out to be unlocked. 1385 01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:41,790 Justice just waiting to be balanced. 1386 01:25:41,790 --> 01:25:45,240 I've had impulses to put a name on it at times 1387 01:25:45,240 --> 01:25:47,470 and I just thought, no man. 1388 01:25:47,470 --> 01:25:50,800 Not because I don't wanna arrive anywhere. 1389 01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:53,930 Not because I don't wanna understand. 1390 01:25:53,930 --> 01:25:56,610 But because it just seems like that's where 1391 01:25:56,610 --> 01:25:59,543 you get into trouble. (chuckles) 1392 01:26:01,587 --> 01:26:04,004 (soft music) 1393 01:26:39,559 --> 01:26:41,809 You have that one cup of... 1394 01:26:46,433 --> 01:26:48,850 (soft music) 1395 01:27:28,317 --> 01:27:33,317 ♪ It goes ♪ 1396 01:27:35,629 --> 01:27:40,629 ♪ On and on ♪ 1397 01:27:43,328 --> 01:27:48,328 ♪ It goes on ♪ 1398 01:27:51,073 --> 01:27:56,073 ♪ On and on ♪ 1399 01:27:59,585 --> 01:28:04,585 ♪ It goes ♪ 1400 01:28:06,552 --> 01:28:11,552 ♪ On and on ♪ 1401 01:28:14,302 --> 01:28:19,302 ♪ It goes on ♪ 1402 01:28:22,541 --> 01:28:24,874 ♪ On and on ♪ 1403 01:28:31,133 --> 01:28:33,550 (rock music) 1404 01:28:38,086 --> 01:28:43,086 ♪ Right here ♪ 1405 01:28:45,853 --> 01:28:50,853 ♪ I'll be ♪ 1406 01:28:53,445 --> 01:28:58,445 ♪ 'Til I can ♪ 1407 01:29:00,791 --> 01:29:03,791 ♪ No longer breathe ♪ 1408 01:29:08,444 --> 01:29:10,861 (rock music) 1409 01:29:17,937 --> 01:29:21,187 (soft, tinkling music) 1410 01:29:27,052 --> 01:29:32,052 ♪ You blew all your inheritance ♪ 1411 01:29:34,164 --> 01:29:39,164 ♪ And now you're trying to pin the blame on me ♪ 1412 01:29:41,684 --> 01:29:46,684 ♪ I could write you off to easily ♪ 1413 01:29:47,417 --> 01:29:52,417 ♪ Except a hundred million other people agree ♪ 1414 01:29:55,260 --> 01:30:00,260 ♪ So you kick and scream to get your way again ♪ 1415 01:30:04,450 --> 01:30:09,450 ♪ But the writing is on the wall ♪ 1416 01:30:12,302 --> 01:30:17,302 ♪ Any minute you'll on to your reward ♪ 1417 01:30:19,386 --> 01:30:24,386 ♪ And someone else is gonna make the call ♪ 1418 01:30:25,173 --> 01:30:30,173 ♪ In these strange negotiations ♪ 1419 01:30:34,493 --> 01:30:39,493 ♪ Man they really are getting me down ♪ 1420 01:30:42,107 --> 01:30:47,107 ♪ Strange negotiations ♪ 1421 01:30:49,202 --> 01:30:54,202 ♪ Feel like a stranger in my home town ♪ 1422 01:30:57,175 --> 01:31:02,175 ♪ Strange negotiations ♪ 1423 01:31:04,812 --> 01:31:09,812 ♪ You got me looking for a way around ♪ 1424 01:31:10,263 --> 01:31:14,346 ♪ All these strange negotiations ♪ 1425 01:31:18,426 --> 01:31:20,843 (soft music) 1426 01:31:27,467 --> 01:31:31,932 ♪ Oh ♪ 1427 01:31:31,932 --> 01:31:36,932 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 1428 01:31:36,991 --> 01:31:41,991 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 1429 01:31:44,475 --> 01:31:49,475 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 1430 01:31:52,161 --> 01:31:57,161 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 1431 01:31:59,597 --> 01:32:01,680 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 1432 01:32:08,503 --> 01:32:11,753 (soft, tinkling music)